Painful Secrets
by TreeStar
Summary: AAMR. DarkViolent. Ash has a traumatizing secret about his father that he's never told anyone. Now dad's coming home, Ash is sick, Misty's worried, children go missing and an evil is decending upon Pallet Town. Discontinued. I'm just not in this anymore.
1. Breaking News

Disclaimer to serve for entire story: I do not own Pokémon in any way, nor do I claim to.

I wrote this story and had it posted for four years on this site and then my account was removed, so I'm just putting it back put by popular request. I was little over half way done with it when I hit writer's block, but plan to finish it very soon. Some of the chapter's had to be re-written anyway, because I lost a couple (I wrote it long ago and my computer's crashed twice since then…) so I plan to continue it.

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Painful Secrets

Chapter 1 --- Breaking News

It was a beautiful day in the world of Pokémon. Ash, Misty and Brock were heading home to take a break from the Johto league to enjoy the 4th of July. Actually, Ash's mom had insisted on it. It had been so long since she had seen "her little boy". Ash now had his 4th badge, and was feeling pretty good about the world and himself.

As they came out of the trees and Pallet came onto view, Ash turned to Misty.

"See?! I told you I could get us here! I know my way home!" He said triumphantly.

"Pika!!!" said Pikachu, agreeing with his trainer.

"yeah, right, Ash. It only took us how long to get here form Viridian City? Three days??? If it weren't for you lacking all sense of direction, we could have been here the day before yesterday!!!" Misty argued back.

"You tried to lead, too!!! If you're so smart, how come you couldn't get us here faster?" He shot back.

"You **live** here!!! You shouldn't have to need help, and the reason that we're here today instead of tomorrow is because _I _found the main path again after _you _decided to try a shortcut!" She fired at him.

Togepi started crying from all the yelling and Misty immediately tried rocking it back to sleep, but Togepi cried on.

"All right, break it up!!!!" Said Brock, who was searching through his bag for some Aspirin. "I've heard nothing but fighting from you two since we got lost, and now that we're not lost, it's still going on! I'm sick of playing referee, so let's go start our argument-free vacation, ok? It's getting late."

"You're right!" said Ash, eager to get home. "C'mon, Pikachu!" he broke out into a run towards his street, his friends in tow, calling after him to slow down. He reached his house and ran inside, where his mom ran up and greeted Pikachu enthusiastically, before turning and giving Ash a hug.

Misty and Brock ran in behind him.

"Hi, Mrs. Ketchum! It's great to see you again!" Misty smiled sweetly.

"Why thank you, Misty!" She said happily, then saw the baby Pokémon in Misty's arms. "Hello, Togepi!"

"Priiiiiii!" It trilled back at her.

"I was just getting dinner ready, why don't you kids get settled in and I'll call you when it's ready?"

"Great mom, thanks!" Said Ash.

The kids ran upstairs and dumped their backpacks in the floor of Ash's room. Ash felt great. He had his fourth badge, was on his way to being a Pokémon master, and was taking a vacation at home for the holiday. He decided that nothing could ruin his good mood. Not even Misty's fighting.

Misty watched Ash pull out the roll out mattress as he told her to take the bed. 'He always let me have the bed while he takes the floor. Maybe he's not perfect, but he can be so sweet sometimes.' "Are you sure, Ash?"

"Of course." He answered, pulling out a blanket. It wasn't time for bed, but he wanted to get the room ready anyway. Brock went and got into the shower and misty went downstairs to see if she could help Ash's mom with dinner while Ash unpacked.

Soon it was ready and the kids found themselves sitting around the table with a great meal in front of them. "Score!!!" Cheered Ash. "You're the best cook ever, mom!"

Mrs. Ketchum just smiled and put the ketchup on the table…. Right in front of Pikachu.

"Pikachu!" He said happily as he attempted to pour the whole bottle on his tiny plate. It didn't work, however, as Ash reached over almost immediately and took it away from him.

"You'll get the ketchup last, Pikachu. Remember it has to go around the whole table first." Laughed Ash as he put some on his own tater-tots and passed it to Brock.

"Chuuuu…" He said sadly.

"So how many badges have you gotten, Ash?" Delia passed the bottle to Misty, opting for salt instead.

"Four right now in Johto, and I'm still fired up. When that championship comes I'll be ready, and I'll win! Just watch me!"

"Yeah, he should be catching up to Gary any time now." Misty's words had Ash falling out of his own little world and into his own personal gloom bubble in the blink of an eye.

"That's nice dear." Ms. Ketchum was as oblivious to her son's plight as ever and it was by sheer coincidence that she happened to choose that very moment to change the subject into something out of left field as she brought up a topic that Ash had never talked about with his friends. In fact, this particular topic had been avoided by him like the Bubonic Plague.

"By the way, Ash," she started "Your dad's going to be coming down for the fourth, too." Ash dropped his fork and stared at his mom, who continued, "He can only stay on Saturday night, though. He'll have to leave Sunday morning, he has work the afternoon, and Vermillion City is a long drive from here. 3 hours at least."

Misty and Brock thought it was great and listened intently, getting ready to ask questions about his dad. No one, not even Pikachu, noticed that Ash was starting to look kind of pale, though he had no expression on his face. His mom went on, "I told him to come anyway. I mean, even though he and I are separated, you still haven't seen him in a long time, and there's no excuse to keep him from you, right? You are his son, after all. He says he can't wait to see you and has missed you terribly."

Ash merely nodded slowly as the words continued to sink in. his eyes couldn't focus on anything, his vision blurred. He felt dizzy. Then tried to gain his composure. 'Mom still doesn't know about him, and I don't want her to find out. I have to get a grip or they'll know something's wrong.' He thought to himself in a panic.

He looked up and forced a smile. That sounds great, mom. When will he be here on Saturday?"

"In the morning" she answered. "He's waking up early to see you! Isn't that nice, sweetheart?"

Misty decided now was a good time to fire the questions. "What's Ash's dad like? Ash never talks about him."

"He's a very nice man, we had a wonderful marriage. But he started drinking and acting strange when he did. I put up with it at first, but it started to get out of control and with ash only being six, we decided to split up for a while. Spend some time apart. It was hard on Ash at first." She said sadly and looked at Ash for a moment, then turned back to Misty. "He moved to Vermillion and has a nice job there, and he still financially supports us when we need help."

"I'm sorry. But I'm glad it worked out for both of you in the end." Said Misty.

"Yes, it did. I think we're both happier this way. For the first year after we split up, Ash would go there every other weekend to visit him, under the terms we set for our separation. But after that, he just didn't seem to make it anymore. He'd get sick or get hurt and wouldn't want to leave. His dad still insisted on seeing Ash anyway, cuz those were the terms. So Ash would go spend time with his dad. They had fun, too, Ash told me, though I think all those rough sports could have stopped." She glanced at Ash.

Ash thought fast "we just played games, sports and such. It was no big deal, really." Inside, he was thinking 'why do we have to be talking about this? Why did that have to come up?'

Delia smiled at him. They were still rough." She turned to Misty "he always seemed to get hurt or something playing football with his dad." She looked back at Ash. "Well, I don't mind if you do it when he comes, as long as it's not in the house!" she said sternly.

"Ok, mom." Ash said.

Misty looked at his plate. "Ash, you haven't eaten hardly anything! Are you ok?" She asked.

Yeah, just kinda tired from the walk here. I'm gonna go to bed, ok?" he got up and walked from the table.

"But Ash," Misty started.

"Good night, guys" said Ash, interrupting. Pikachu finished his dinner in two bites and ran upstairs with him.

"That was strange…" said Brock. "Ash is never in bed this early. It's only eight thirty."

"And he didn't eat anything…" finished Misty.

"Do you think he's sick???" asked his mom, starting to panic.

"No No No, I'm sure he's just tired like he said. And excited about his dad." Said Brock, trying to calm Delia down again.

That night when Misty came to bed (Brock slept on the couch downstairs), Ash pretended to be asleep. He listened to her put Togepi to bed and then get in herself. Pikachu was curled up in a little yellow ball, hugging his tail, asleep next to ash's feet.

Ash waited for what seemed like a long time till he thought she must be sleeping. Then he turned on his back and laid awake for a long time.

In the bed above him, Misty watched him for a while thinking 'for someone who was so tired at dinner, he sure is having a hard time getting to sleep. He started acting strange when his dad was mentioned. I wonder what's wrong? I could ask him, but he probably wouldn't tell me anything, like at dinner. And we'd probably get into a fight and wake the Pokémon. He's so stubborn sometimes! He's probably just trying to get attention. Well, he won't get it from me!' She decided this was the case, rolled over, and went to sleep.

Ash, however, stayed awake all night thinking about what happened earlier at dinner, and earlier in his life…

AN: What do you guys think? Is it any good at all? It's just the opening so it's hardly easy to tell from that little bit of prologue, but let me know about grammar errors, OOCness, and anything else that you found out of place. Ash's past will start to develop more to you in each chapter, I hope.


	2. To Hide a Secret

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Painful Secrets

Chapter 2 --- To Hide a Secret

The next morning came too fast for Ash's taste. It was Tuesday, so he had less than a week before his dad came.

__

Great. he thought, _this week might be kinda hard. I know I should tell someone what's wrong, but I can't now! Dad told me what he'd do if anyone ever found out from me, and now he's coming back. If I told, he'd find out for sure, and I can't let that happen. No way! …it's too late for that now._

__

Also… Ash looked at the bed above him. _If I told Misty, she'd think I'm a weak scared little kid. I know she doesn't care about me as much as I do her, so I don't know why I care so much about impressing her, but I just can't tell her. She'd laugh at me. Maybe even leave. Who could blame her? Who's want to stick around with a loser with a past like mine… even if he does owe her a bike._

Ash listened as Misty got up and he pretended to be asleep again, not knowing what to say to her about last night. He waited for Misty to go downstairs before he walked into the bathroom. He had stayed awake all night, and looked like hell. His hair was worse than usual and he had bags under his eyes. He got into the shower. _Besides_, he continued his thoughts _It's been a long time since I've seen Dad, over two years. There's no point making a spectacle over something when it could end up being nothing. I mean, he could have… he could have… maybe… maybe he's changed… maybe._

Ash dried and dressed and walked out onto the landing. _I just have to pretend that everything is normal, and that can't possibly be that hard._ He took a deep breath, and walked downstairs.

Misty had woken up early and was downstairs eating the breakfast Brock had cooked up for her and Delia. He'd made Ash breakfast, too. But he wasn't up yet.

It wasn't unusual for Ash to sleep so late; especially since he didn't sleep at all the night before, but Misty still couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about Ash's reaction to the news about his father. Shouldn't an eleven year old boy be excited about seeing his dad after so long? Yet Ash had been rather quiet during the conversation, unless his mom had asked him something, hadn't eaten, and went to bed early to cut the conversation short, and then to top it all off, he hadn't even slept all night.

Misty had frequently found herself waking to check on him several times during the night, despite the fact that she had tried to convince herself it was just for attention. Ash liked to get attention, but not this kind. He didn't want people worrying about him; he tried to be independent.

She was proud of him for trying to be that way, but she wished he would let her in just a little when he was hurting or scared. He wouldn't. He would insist that he was okay until he either broke down, or worked it out painfully on his own. She knew he didn't care about her like she did him, but that didn't stop her from feeling helpless and unable to do anything for him when he was alone. She just wished he could trust her like he did Pikachu, whom he told everything to. _I'm jumping to conclusions_, she thought to herself, _I don't even know for sure if anything is wrong. It's probably all fine. …but if it's not, and he won't tell… why won't he tell?!! Stupid boy! But I know one sure fire way to find out!_

Just then Ash stumbled into the kitchen. "G'morning, everybody" he cheered, trying to cover up his exhausted appearance and foggy mind by sounding fine, even if he couldn't thinking to straight.

"Good morning, Ash. You're food's on the stove." Said Brock.

"Thanks, Brock." He said taking a plate. He got his food and started eating like nothing was wrong. Misty stopped feeding Togepi for a few seconds and watched him eating until he looked up and caught her staring.

"What's up, Misty?" he said, petting Pikachu, who was sitting on the table eating eggs smothered in ketchup in complete harmony.

__

I could ask you the same question, but since you won't tell me, I won't tell you that I'm worried. You'd just blow it off anyway. She thought bitterly. "Nothing, you just look a little tired is all." She answered, knowing she'd hit home, or at least first base.

Ash seemed to stiffen, then relaxed into an expression related to indifference. "I'm fine." He answered. And Misty left it at that and went back to feeding her hungry baby. Ash felt grateful for her refusal to pursue the scrutiny and inwardly sighed in relief as he lifted Pikachu into his lap. His first and most beloved Pokémon watched him in silent concern, and Ash slowly shook his head, unable to give him a genuine smile. If he couldn't make his smiles for his Pokémon real, he'd rather not smile at all. It was a waste of time, and a blatant lie Ash knew they would all recognize for what it was. He also knew that they trusted him with their lives every time they entered a battle for him. If he told them, it would put them in danger, and he would never betray their trust. Pikachu had befriended him, understood him when no one else could, and fought for his honor, but at that moment Ash could not bring himself to put any of his fears to rest.

The rest of the day went by pretty normal. Brock and Ash had a Pokémon battle out back while Misty played with her Pokémon nearby. Before they knew it, it was time for dinner. A storm had rolled in during the afternoon. It wasn't rainy yet, but it was close. They decided to go out for burgers, as they didn't really have any food in the house that could be used to make a meal out of. Brock told Delia they'd bring something back for her, and headed down the street. Before they knew it, they were waiting at the counter for their food. It was crowded in the Burger King, so they took a table, figuring they'd be there for a while.

It had started raining outside and Misty and Ash were drying Togepi and Pikachu (who looked like a yellow powder puff when Ash was done).

"It sure takes a long time to get dark this time of year," Brock commented. "we'll be out really late with your dad lighting fireworks, won't we, Ash? I hope it doesn't rain!"

Ash had heard Brock's comment, but didn't even stop short. He had been expecting this to come up again soon, so he wasn't that surprised. "yeah," he answered. "I guess we will." He wanted to say more, but he was afraid of saying too much. He didn't know what it would take for his friends to get suspicious. If he talked too much, he might give himself away, but if he didn't say enough, everyone would get worried about him. So he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It felt terrible. Like he was a bad friend for keeping such an important secret from them. He hadn't even told his mom. She thought they were "sports injuries". If she found out the truth…

"Ash… why don't you ever talk about your dad?" _Now I'll know for sure. I've known Ash for almost two years. Little Ash the Pokémon master-to-be, is a terrible liar. He knows I can see right through him, too._

This question made Ash jump slightly. He hadn't expected that, and it made him feel even more uncomfortable. _Oh, man. I can't answer that! She'll never believe anything I tell her! She knows me to well for that. I feel overheated. I've gotta get out of here._

He stuttered out the first thing that came to mind. "No reason. Ummm… you never asked! It's none of your business anyway!" With that, he turned and ran out of the restaurant and into the storm without his jacket or any form of protection against the cold. Pikachu was in hot pursuit.

Ash felt sick. He was cold and hot at the same time, like he was burning in a freezer. His thoughts were so unclear, he couldn't remember what he'd told Misty, or anything that had happened that day. He was dizzy and just wanted to get home quick and go to bed without talking again that night.

He ran into his house and up the stairs without a word to his mom, stumbled upstairs to his room and fell on his bed, wet clothes and all. He was asleep in seconds. Pikachu didn't understand what was wrong, but he pulled out the big blanket and struggled with it's weight until he had covered Ash up. Then he curled up next to his head and watched worriedly as his trainer slept. Pikachu knew Ash was getting sick. It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure that out, and we knew that he wouldn't leave ash's side until he was better.

Brock and Misty brought the burgers home a few minutes after Ash came in. they asked about him, but Delia couldn't tell them much. She didn't know herself what had happened.

Misty knew for sure now that something was bothering Ash to make him just run out of the building like that. It was already late, and time for bed, which gave her the perfect excuse to go check on him. The door was open, and Pikachu watched her come in.

"Pikachu? Do you know what's bothering Ash?" she asked him.

"Chuuu…" he said sadly, shaking his head.

Misty felt his forehead. He was kind of hot, but not too bad. "Maybe he's just overly tired. He didn't sleep much last night, and I know something's wrong, but for now all we can do is get him dried off."

She took herself by surprise saying that, but she was scared for him and didn't know what else to do. She couldn't just leave him like that, after all. It was like he was hiding from them, and she didn't know what to do. Couldn't he at least trust her? She'd been his best friend for over two years! _Stupid Ash…_

Pikachu was nervous as well. Misty patted his head to calm him a bit, nut nothing worked. _They're so close they feel each other's tension. Ash really is a great Pokémon trainer. Someday, he'll be the best. I know it._

She worked gently, praying he wouldn't wake up, as she stripped him down to his boxers. Then she covered him up again and got into bed. There was nothing more she could do except help him as best as she could, but god she wished he would trust her and tell her what was wrong. 'It's always something stupid, too.' She thought to herself before she fell asleep. 'He just always has to sound tough. It's never anything big. But he's also never just run away from us before. Is it something so horrible? He can't do this alone; he'll fall apart. Doesn't he realize how much I care about him? Even though he doesn't care about me, I'd never hurt him! He'll be sick tomorrow, after this last stunt, though, that's for sure. He'll break soon and come to Brock and I, or his mom. He has to. he's never held out this long before. He'll come out of it soon…. I hope.'

She fell asleep; worried sick and wondering about her own feelings for him and what she could do to make him come to her.

Ash was dreaming. He was in his father's house, and his dad was yelling at him. He felt smaller. Ash had had this dream several times before, but that was a long time ago. He was younger. Nine, maybe? He felt scared. He saw his dad yelling and throwing things, angry at him. He tried to run, but there was no place to go. He felt strong hands grab him and throw him in the closet. He heard the door click as he cried and screamed to be let out. He begged and pleaded, sobs racking his body. The air was hot, he couldn't breath. After an eternity, his dad came back, the smell of drink strong on him. Ash heard the door click and open and saw his dad standing over him, shouting. Ash scrambled out of the closet, hysterical, begging his dad no to do "it". He saw his father charge at him…. And Ash woke up.

He was soaked with sweat and out of breath. He bolted up in bed and looked around. He was cold. So cold, yet so hot. It confused him. He was dizzy. He felt sick like he hadn't for a long time. Not since….

but it may have been from the dream mostly. It was just a bad dream. That came out of nowhere.

Ash decided that he couldn't sleep right away again, he was too scared, so he grabbed his journal to vent some emotion.

__

I can't tell anyone, but if I could just… write my feelings and let them out somehow… No one would ever know, and maybe then I could sleep. He grabbed a pen and took a few deep breaths to calm is shaking. His writing was almost illegible, but it didn't have to be, as long as Ash could vent his fears. He caught his breath and began writing.

In the bed above him, Misty followed his every move.

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NOTES: I spent 3 hours writing this chapter in the middle of the night to get it to come out this well (and it's still rather short…). I know it doesn't have much AAMR yet, it wasn't originally going to have this much, though. I promise it will have more. I'm trying to work some in cuz I think it works nice in the story, or will sooner or later. But nothing too mushy. Sorry! It would conflict with the angst atmosphere too much. My opinion on that may change, though…


	3. To Truly Feel Alone

A/N: here it is! By popular demand, the third chapter!

this chapter contains language and a lot of violence. It is rated R and if you are too young or unable to handle extremely graphic content, do not read any further. You have been warned.

I do not own Pokémon, some one else does, I just write the stories.

**Painful Secrets**

**Chapter 3 --- To Truly Feel Alone**

Misty woke up to see Togepi tugging on her pillowcase. It was sort of dark, but then she heard the rain and remembered why, so she figured it must have been late morning already, and looked at the clock. Almost ten. She yawned, sat up, stretched, and looked down for Ash. He was out cold.

Pikachu had done his best to stay up with him, but hadn't made it through the night and was now sleeping at Ash's feet

_I wonder what the episode last night was all about? He must have had a pretty bad dream to jump up and start scribbling in this note book like that._ She looked over on his desk. Ash had put the note book away in a drawer when he had finished in the middle of the night. She had seen him write and knew that it must have been whatever he was feeling then. She wanted to know what was wrong with Ash so bad, but she didn't want to betray him. She could never do that. She wanted him to tell her on his own what was so bad.

Deciding that that talk wasn't going to happen here and now, she got up and headed downstairs with Togepi.

"What have you been doing all morning, Misty?" asked Brock. "I called you about five times this morning to get breakfast and didn't get an answer, so I decided to make you eggs when you got up. How does scrambled sound?"

"Great. Thanks, Brock." She said, sitting down at the table with a cup of tea.

Brock smiled, then frowned and asked, "How's Ash?"

"I don't know. He's going to be sick. I can guarantee that after the stunt he pulled last night. Brock, there's something seriously bothering him."

"You think?" Said Brock, sarcastically.

Misty ignored him and continued, "You don't understand, Brock. It's not like the other times when it was about Gary being better or losing a battle. That's the only thing he's ever shut himself up for, and we kind of knew what was wrong before he told us himself and could help him. But I think this is something more.

"It's not about Pokémon or rivals or any of the usual stuff. He's not just feeling sorry for himself like the other times. He's seriously scared of something." She looked at Brock.

He knew she was serious. "He's trying so hard to act normal, and I'm afraid that's what's going to wear him down more than anything." Brock said out loud, to no one in particular.

Then he looked at Misty. "And last night when you asked about his dad, you must have hit too close to home for his comfort, because he couldn't take the stress of trying to fake his way out of it.

"He knew he would have slipped and said something. I know he doesn't want to worry anyone, but he doesn't seem to realize that it worries people so much more when he tries to go through these internal struggles alone."

Misty looked like she was considering saying something in her mind. After a few seconds she said, "Last night he had a nightmare. He looked really scared of something when he came out of it. He got out his journal and started writing immediately afterward. That seemed to calm him down and he went back to sleep."

"Did you ask him about it?" Brock asked.

"No, he was exhausted and I didn't want to bring it up and make the situation harder for him. I don't know what to do, Brock." Misty she sighed. Then decided that starving herself wouldn't help Ash. She had time to take one bite of her eggs before Pikachu jumped on the table.

"Pikachupi! Pikachu." He said sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning to you, too, Pikachu." She said, stroking behind his ears, which made the small Pokémon purr. "Is Ash awake yet?"

"Pi." He confirmed.

Ash walked down a few seconds later. He walked sluggishly over to a chair and flopped into it. "Hi."

That was all he said. His friends were waiting for more, but didn't think he would say anything else, when he turned to Misty suddenly and asked "Have you seen my mom today?"

"Yeah," said Brock, "She left a little while ago. She had to go to a neighborhood watch meeting or something. She'll be back this afternoon."

"Why do you ask?" Asked Misty.

"Oh, I just wanted to thank her for what she did last night." He said. He looked kind of embarrassed.

"What did she do?" Asked Brock, mildly curious.

"Umm… well, she kinda took care of me last night when I came home. It might have been before you guys got back."

Misty looked at him and smiled. _At least he's grateful. _"If you're talking about drying you off and getting you out of your wet things, that was me." She watched the look of surprise on his face.

"You did that? For me?" Ash felt himself start to blush and immediately looked down at his lap, holding the brim of his hat to hide his face from her.

Misty watched him hide and wondered if he could be blushing, maybe? She liked that thought and hoped it was true, but she knew it couldn't be for anything but shock. _He's probably just totally embarrassed. _She sighed.

"Why?" He asked, suddenly looking very small in his nervous state.

"Because I was worried about you, Ash, why else?" she answered, trying to sound like it was perfectly normal. She took a bite of her eggs.

_She was worried about me. _Ash replayed the sentence in his mind and blushed harder.

_Well, small wonder why, genius! Who wouldn't be? I must have scared her, Brock and Pikachu half to death last night. Great façade I kept, what with suddenly running away from her and Brock when she asked about my dad. If that didn't give it away that there's a problem, nothing will. You all but screamed it! …but she isn't even mad. I scared her and she isn't even about it… She even took care of me last night when I was out. But the point remains that now they know something's up for sure. What can I tell them? Maybe the truth? But I can't! If I tell them what a terrible person I am deep down and what I've done, she'll leave me. If I tell her it was all my fault, what would she say? My parent's divorce, dad having a hard time at work and drinking and.… It was all my fault. If he didn't want me, why should she? Besides, if I really told them the truth, well, I KNOW what HE'd do._

Ash hands were shaking and he was starting to feel dizzy again. He had a low grade fever he couldn't let them know about, and all the blushing wasn't helping. Getting sick was just one more thing to add to his list of worries. So after saying a thank you to Misty, he walked into the other room to watch TV. He wanted to go outside, but a clap of thunder ruled out that possibility.

There was a special news report on TV when he turned it on. The body of a twelve year old girl had been found raped and beaten by the side of a rode between Vermillion and Viridian City that day.

Apparently she had been used, and then killed by multiple severe blows to her chest, back, legs, and belly areas.

There was no suspect in custody, but it must have been a well built, young to middle aged man to have raped and then delivered those blows with his bare hands.

This was the second body found in six months, there had been a twelve year old boy kidnapped on his way home from school and found dead 3 days later.

Both incidents happened near each other and were believed to be connected. If you knew any info you were to call the nearest police station or the number on the screen and tell them.

This man is very dangerous and the police are doing all in their power to stop him.

'_Great'_ thought Ash. '_Just what this world needs, more violence_.'

His friends looked at each other and sighed. It was going to be another one of those days. They went in and joined him after they finished their food and cleaned up the kitchen. They watched a romance movie for Misty and a breeding show for Brock, but Ash didn't pick anything. Then they just kind of hung out around the house.

Brock cleaned while Misty tried to teach Togepi an attack, which didn't work out. When it stopped raining for a few minutes, Ash took Pikachu and the other Pokémon out to the little pond behind the house for some exercise. He was freezing cold and his nose was running, but he couldn't let on about it.

He didn't talk much, but felt a little better when Chikorita climbed into this lap to give him cuddles. Pikachu told the other Pokémon all that he knew about something being up with Ash. They were all concerned. Ash sensed this and before they had time to ask the questions that were going to come, he called them back and went inside.

It worried Pikachu even more to know that even surrounded by all of his Pokémon, who loved and supported him, he couldn't say anything. They'd protect him no matter what!

Why couldn't he just tell them at least, so he'd have someone to go to! They'd never leave him or abandon him, and he needed them as much as they needed him. If he didn't open up to them, they couldn't take care of him, and he surely couldn't take care of them right now if he can't even take care of himself, and they all felt alone.

But one thing scared Pikachu more than anything else. Ash had always told Pikachu everything. He'd even told him that he liked Misty, but was afraid to say anything to her. And even when he went through a hard time and bottled up, Ash had always, ALWAYS, told Pikachu what was wrong. Why not now?…

These thoughts had been racing through Pikachu's mind for a long time. He felt so helpless. Ash had been coughing and shivering a lot that day, he had even lost his balance a few times while he was sitting in the lawn chair by the pond and Pikachu had had to support him until he came back around and pulled himself together.

His dad was coming in a few days, and the storm had picked up again before they could get back to the house, leaving Ash soaked and cold. Again.

------

Delia came home from her meeting much later than she thought she would. Around five o'clock.

She apologized and ran into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. When it was ready, she let them eat in the living room for once, using the coffee table.

Delia, Misty, Brock and Pikachu all sat and ate quietly, constantly stealing glances at Ash, who hadn't eaten all day and still wasn't, as the rain and thunder fought to make the most noise outside.

Ash knew they were all thinking the same thing. They were all worried about him, and he knew he owed them an explanation for his behavior. He looked up at all of them. "Hey, guys? About running away from the restaurant last night… I'm sorry. I just… felt kinda dizzy. Like claustrophobia or something. I didn't have time to really explain it. I just had to get out of there, you know?"

"Sure," said Brock, "We understand that, Ash. What we don't get it why you've been acting so strange these last two days. Is something on your mind?"

Ash felt so strange and sleepy, he couldn't think straight enough to have anything on his mind, let alone a good fake explanation. So he just said what ever popped into his head, and at that moment, his head was sleepy. "Not really, I just felt a little tired. No big deal."

He wanted to tell Misty the truth. He wanted to just cry and let it all out and feel her close to him, telling him it would be ok, like she always had. One time, when he had been really upset, she had even held him when he cried.

He had loved feeling her sitting next to him, her arms around him, and when she was telling him it was all ok, her voice could hypnotize him and calm him down no matter what. It would all go away and nothing would matter as long as she told him so. He wanted her to rub his arm gently and hold him until he fell asleep. She could get anything out of him when she did that. He wanted her to do that now, but he knew it wouldn't help the problem, it would make it worse, and put her in danger if HE ever found out that she knew.

He wanted her to tell him she loved him, but the knew it would never happen.

Ash tried to focus his eyes on something, but his vision was so blurry he only saw blurry colors. He felt his head start to spin and knew he'd have to leave, but he couldn't just run away again right after he just apologized and made an excuse for the last time he did that. He decided maybe it would fade and he would try to tough it out. He was going to be a Pokémon master! He could beat this.

Misty wasn't buying this one bit, and she knew Brock wasn't either. Pikachu was looking so sad and worried about his trainer he could have burst out crying and she wouldn't have been surprised one bit. It wasn't fair for Ash to do this to them, but there was nothing she could do that would make him talk… yet.

He wasn't quite ready. Soon, when all the emotional weight proved too much for him, he would talk. She knew how to coax it out of him. She'd done it many times. But this time was different than the others. He felt scared of something, not down in the dumps.

She sighed and finished her dinner. As she got up to put her plate in the kitchen, she noticed something she hadn't before: Ash looked really flushed and was breathing heavily. His skin was so pale, but his cheeks were really pink. She had been expecting this to happen before too long.

His emotions were building up inside of him, and the pain and strain of it all, combined with running through the rain last night and going out in the cold today, were getting the best of him. She put her plate down, walked to the couch and sat down next to him.

------

Ash noticed her coming up to him, but didn't even move or try to stop her as he felt her hand touch his forehead. He started coughing. It hurt his chest and throat to cough so hard, and he tried to stop, but just couldn't. He hadn't wanted them to know how sick he really did feel. He hadn't wanted to let them get too close to him where they could feel his fever, but at that moment he was too tired to care about anything. Too weak to fight back.

He felt chills run through him and shivered. He felt painfully hot inside, and dizzy. He coughed harder but he still couldn't seem to breathe. The world was spinning in front of him and turning purple, which was progressively starting to turn a darker black.

------

Misty touched his forehead. He was hot. VERY hot, and breathing hard. Then he started coughing. This wasn't normal. She had expected Ash to get sick from the rain last night and then going out in the cold today, but he had let himself get this bad without even telling them he felt sick.

It was like he was totally shutting himself down from everyone around him. He was scaring her, terrifying Pikachu, worrying his mother. Brock was the only one who didn't seem surprised. He saw Ash begin to sway and walked around the table. Misty noticed it, too, and put her hands on either shoulder and leaned Ash into her until Brock got there.

Ash felt his body start to relax against Misty's as Brock walked over to him. He wrapped Ash's arm around his shoulder and stood up. Misty took his other arm and they both sort of half dragged, half carried Ash up the stairs. Ash made it about half way up the steps before he couldn't fight against the pain any longer and passed out. His friends took him into his room, rolled out his mattress, and laid him down. Delia followed them into the room and watched helplessly.

Misty wanted Ash to have the bed, but Brock said he'd be better off down low near the floor. If he woke up and tried to get down his ladder in this condition, he may lose his balance and fall or who knows what. Misty left it at that. After all, Brock was the one who had raised ten little kids almost by himself. And Ash was still only eleven years old and even smaller than she was. She knew that Brock probably knew how to take care of him better then Delia did in this situation. Delia and never had a child before Ash, and this had never happened before with him. She didn't know what to expect. It hurt her, but Delia knew she had to leave this up to Brock and Misty. They seemed to know what Ash needed better than she did. So she quietly left the room, praying he would get better soon.

Brock took Ash's temperature and Misty got an ice pack wrapped in a thin towel and dabbed it on his forehead and cheeks. Little Pikachu got Ash's blanket out of the closet and dragged it over to the little bed on the floor. Ash's labored breathing had subsided and he was now breathing deeply in sleep.

The three of them sat up with him for a while, but it got late fast, and eventually Misty turned to Brock and said, "Why don't you go down to bed, Brock? Pikachu and I can watch him. He'll be fine, I'm sure."

Brock reluctantly agreed and left the room. After a few more minutes, Misty laid down next to Ash. She didn't want him to wake and see her, but it felt so right to lay by him. Misty secretly loved taking care of Ash. She was worried when he was sick, but it also proved that he needed her. No one else cared about him as much as she did, and he needed someone to be there for him. He wouldn't say anything when he was closed up outside and struggling inside, of course, but she knew that he didn't want to be alone.

When he'd gone through bad times before, and finally came to Misty and told her, he would look at her and ask for help, and admit that he didn't know what to do. Of course those times were all about something that had gone wrong in a battle that lingered with him, But those where still the times he opened up to her the most. She wished he would open up to her now, and tell her he needed her like they both knew he did. Eventually, she fell asleep. Pikachu stayed awake and watched Ash for any changes in his condition.

------

Ash was dreaming. He had been afraid to pass out earlier because he knew this would happen again. There he was, around nine years old, in his dad's house. It was storming outside and his dad's temper was storming inside.

He heard his dad yell at him, "It's all your fault, you little shit! If you weren't around, your mama wouldn't have kicked me out. It was all because of you!"

Ash was crying and so scared, but was to afraid to move, lest his dad decided to do more than just yell. His dad continued to yell at him, as Ash laid on the floor, crying and paying silently to God for help. It didn't come.

His dad saw his tears and screamed, "Why do you always cry? You think your tears can make me go soft? I'm gonna give you what you deserve, and there's no way out of it! Just you wait!"

He reached down and grabbed Ash's collar violently, almost cutting off his air way as he dragged him roughly across the room to the hall. Ash knew what was coming. The one thing he couldn't handle. He could take the yelling and hitting better than he could take this. He'd rather die than get locked up in here one more time. He stared sobbing, "No, dad, no! Not the closet, please. Anything, do anything, just don't lock me in the dark again. I can't handle it anymore, PLEASE! God, please no!"

"SHUT UP!" was his only response as he was thrown against the closet wall so hard he felt pain shoot through his entire body in one huge wave, the shock temporarily paralyzing him long enough for the door to close and lock, leaving him the hot dark.

He felt his fear growing. The reason Ash hated the closet was because he lost control in it. his imagination went crazy and he could almost physically feel the pain that his dad would inflict when he came back. It was the most torturous thing on earth for Ash to be locked up, helpless, unable to escape from his father. Ash imagined chains hitting him, bats, boards, pipes, bars, rope tying him down, making him helpless against hot pokers, it was enough to make him burn with the searing pain of it all.

His imagination ended up tearing him apart more than his dad ever could. His dad could never do all that he wanted, because he knew that Ash had to be able to go back to his mom two days later in long sleeves and pants, and act like everything was fine.

Apart from a rough game of football that gave him a black eye or something. She had no idea how bloody and battered he was under those clothes he always wore back then.

After what seemed like forever, Ash dad came back, dragged him out of the closet, and all hell ensued.

-----

Around two in the morning, Misty was woken up by a very panicky looking Pikachu. She saw why right away.

Ash was in his bed, still asleep, but was breathing heavy, his body giving little twitching motions, crying, moaning, and uttering words and sentences that didn't run together and made no sense. She touched his arm; it felt cold and clammy. But his face, especially his cheeks and neck, were almost crimson from the fever he was running.

His symptoms showed he was in shock from something, and in this condition, if she couldn't calm him down and cool him off fast, she'd be on the phone with an ambulance.

She crawled up close to him and put her hand gently on his forehead, and grabbed his wrist to keep him from swinging it around. He still tried to move it, and she began to call to him. Not out enough to wake everyone. Brock was downstairs sleeping, Delia was at the other end of the hall, and both of them slept like a rock.

Misty said his name gently, but loud enough to make herself heard over his mumbling and crying. He still cried and jerked his body in little movements, like he was fighting invisible restraints.

She was getting really scared. This was dangerous. His body couldn't handle the strain, and he was way too hot. She began to shake him and call his name over and over. No response. Pikachu was getting too panicky, too. "Piiiiiikaaaaaa…." His cheeks flared in his automatic reflex to his fear.

"Pikachu, no!" She said, putting her hand on his head to calm him, "who knows what that could do to him now. Ash, come ON! You have to wake up now!" she grabbed his shoulders and shook him forcefully until he suddenly gave a small sob and his eyes sprang open. His body stopped jerking, and his eyes started roaming around like he was looking for someone in panic.

Misty saw this right away and immediately held his trembling hand and started gently soothing him, and running her hands through his hair to calm him. "Ash, it's ok now, it's me. It's Misty. It's just me and Pikachu now. It's safe now. You're home. I'm here for you, ok? I'm gonna take care of you. You can calm down now, no one's going to hurt you."

Ash didn't seem to hear anything she said. Tears were streaming out of hiss eyes. He looked so terrified. She grabbed a cloth and dipped it in the water bowl, then pressed it firmly to his forehead, keeping her hand over it. This finally seemed to reach him.

He looked at her through the darkness. "Misty?" He whispered through choked sobs.

"I'm here." She said gently. He suddenly tried to sit up quick, but Misty held him back down. He looked at her, struggling to sit anyway.

"Where is he? Where did he go? Did he get you?" She knew he was delirious, and she would do whatever she had to, to make him better. He had stopped struggling, too weak to fight it any longer.

"Pikapi…" Pikachu said through his own tears.

"He's not here, Ash. He was never here. You had a bad dream. That's all, it's all over now. You have to stay still."

He started breathing in quick little "He'll come back. He'll come back! He's coming back!" Each time he said it his voice got higher and smaller as his fear escalated into an even higher level of delirium. Misty knew what would work.

She moved her hands from his forehead to behind his ear and began running her fingers and stroking rhythmically up and down his neck along a really sensitive area. He reacted immediately to her touch. He fell quiet after only a few strokes, which stopped his fear from building any higher. She could feel his body already beginning to cool down. He still had the hiccups form all the crying he had done before now, but they wouldn't last too much longer at this rate.

He rolled over on his front and used his arms only to pull himself into her lap. His head and upper chest were resting on her thighs now, with his arms reached up above his body and wrapped around her waist as if to say "Please don't leave me."

She didn't try to stop him. She knew that delirious people would sometimes betray their feelings by doing what they want to do most. Like right now, if Ash were thinking clearly, he would never ask to have her hold him, he'd be too afraid. He was still so small, he didn't understand what he was feeling in those situations.

Misty knew, she was the romantic in the group, after all. But right now, he wasn't able to control his feelings. He just needed what he wanted most. And if he wanted her to hold him and take care of him while he was scared, who was she to refuse? He wouldn't remember any of this in the morning anyway. His breathing slowed as his muscles began to relax as she continued her hypnosis attack. Pikachu watched in amazement at how much power she held over his trainer. Ash was asleep within minutes. She worked on cooling him down, and got his fever under control before too long.

Then she reached up and grabbed his notebook. She knew she wanted to wait, but she had a right to know after this. This was ridiculous and dangerous and she wouldn't let it fly. No way. She opened the book and read the sloppy writing that was all over the paper. It was covered in tear marks. He'd been hysterical when he wrote it.

_Journal,_

_I don't know what to do. he's coming back. What if he does what he did before? What if he's just the same and hasn't changed? What am I going to do? I can't tell anyone. You know what he'll do if I tell. I wouldn't even care if he just did it to me, but he'll do it to anyone I tell, too. Anyone who knows. I can't run from him. What do I do? I can't fight it. I just can't. I'm so scared. She'll think I'm a wuss if I told her how afraid I am. She'll leave me and I can't handle that. I need her. I feel sick. what am I supposed to do?_

Misty was crying, herself, as she read the paper. She rubbed the back of the little boy sleeping in her lap. Him being in so much pain, emotionally and physically, was killing them both inside. She cried and held the small boy as best she could.


	4. Past the Limit

Hello everybody! Hey! Guess what! I STILL don't own Pokemon! I know! I was so shocked when I realized that this morning!

I make up words, so if you happen to come across any you don't recognize, they are not misspellings or mistakes. They're merely my own words that I made to best describe a certain feeling or situation I've created. We authors can do that! Isn't it great?

Here's a neat note to anyone who doesn't watch Pokemon in Japanese: there are several things that Pikachu says that are actual words in Japanese. I don't want to waste a ton of space, but here's a little bit translated to English (I'm sure many of you know several of these: Pi yes Chu no Pikaaachu? Daijoubu (are you okay?) Pika!Okite! or Kite! Wake up! (or) Listen to me! PiiKaa!I won't, I don't want to! Pikaaabut I'm worried (or) what about you? PikapiSatoshi PikachupiKasumi PikakapiTakeshi PipipiTogepi PikapikaZenigame (Squirtle) Pikakapikafushigidane (Bulbasaur) Pikapi ka…Satoshi wa (Ash is… an unfinished statement of worry or fear that anime characters use so often)

Just some stuff I've noticed from watching and listening to the tones and inflections Pikachu makes (I speak Japanese fluently, and I'm pretty sure these are right, but I'm also sure these sounds mean other things, too).

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**PAINFUL SECRETS**

Chapter 4 --- To Take It Past The Limit

Misty stayed awake all night, holding Ash in her arms. Brock had taken Togepi downstairs with him for the night. It had stormed all through the night, which hadn't helped matters at all. During the night he'd started to have nightmares again and whimper in his sleep, but as soon as she saw any sign of it happening, she'd run her fingers gently up and down his exposed ribs, knowing he was unbelievably ticklish there. With his arms above his head, limp on the floor yet wrapped around her waist, it left him totally defenseless against her mercilessly sensuous attacks. He would always smile twitch away from her hand a little and make tiny giggling and hiccupping noises in his sleep until she stopped, then he would sink back into her lap, his dreams changing to something different and peaceful. The little boy was so cute when he did it that Misty had to smile, too. It happened twice.

When dawn arrived, Misty sort of half lifted, half scooted Ash's little body onto his bed. When he woke up, she knew he probably wouldn't remember anything that had happened the night before and he would be really embarrassed to find himself hugging her in his sleep. She supposed it was better that way. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around her.

After covering him up, Misty stood and stretched. Her knees were cramped and sore from having a child on them all night. She wasn't much bigger than he was, after all. Luckily he didn't weigh much. She asked Pikachu if he was hungry. He shook his head slowly, not looking away from his trainer.

Misty wasn't really hungry, either, and she almost felt like she'd be betraying the sleeping boy by leaving him when he was so delicate, anyway. '_I may be over-dramaticising it, but I'm so worried. He's never been like this. He's never been this open to letting me touch him so much before._' She sighed to collect herself and looked at the window. The gloomy, cold weather with it's raining sky reflected the mood in the house. '_It's like… he wants my help, but he's afraid. Why… why can't he…?'_

She looked at the little Pokemon beside her and wiped her eyes, "Pikachu, you'd tell me, right? If you knew anything?"

Pikachu looked up at her with sad eyes, "Pikachupi…Pikapi ka…" he trailed off, Misty knew, not knowing exactly how to respond to her. He looked as sad and worried as she felt. "Oh, Pikachu… what are we gonna do?"

She had started to reach out for the object of her concern again when Brock came quietly tip-toeing in. "Hey misty. Did he hold up okay last night?" He was whispering, so as to not wake Ash.

She turned back to him and whispered, "He had another nightmare. His fever didn't help it any. He was thrashing and crying. When Pikachu and I got him to wake he was delirious, terrified that someone was after him… or after us, I wasn't sure. I got him back to sleep after a little while, but that was mostly because of his sheer exhaustion." She dropped her head at this point and let the tears flow.

"I don't know what to do Brock. He can't do this to himself anymore! He's sicker than he's ever been. And the thing is I know he's counting on me to be there. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do. He sent me the signals last night. I know he wants to tell me, but he won't. I mean, he's always been shy about opening up, but that was fear of embarrassment. Brock, he's really scared of something serious this time, and he's taking it all on alone. I wish…"

She stopped short, was silent for a moment, and then whispered, "I wish I had never yelled at him before and called him all those names. Maybe then he would trust me enough to tell me without being afraid that I won't be there for him the way he needs me to be."

Brock seized her shoulders and shook them, "Misty, don't you start that! This is _not_ your fault. None of this is your fault. This is so hard for Ash. Can't you see? This isn't a question of trust! Ash is independent. He doesn't like to lay his problems on others if he can help it. That's just how he is." Brock fell quiet for a reflective moment before continuing, "The problem is that he's stubborn. So stubborn that he doesn't know when to quit or give in. He won't come to us on his own; he has too much pride for that. We need to go to him. We'll have a talk with him as soon as he's awake and feeling a bit better. Until then, try not to worry. He's emotionally exhausted. He can't do this anymore and I think he'll be easiest to talk to tonight."

Misty made herself stop crying and relax. She did feel a bit better after Brock's words had sunk in, "You're right, maybe. I had thought, 'even Ash can't keep this up forever, and he's going to want to come to us, soon', but maybe… maybe this time… he doesn't know how." Misty grew quiet and looked at Ash's sleeping face. After a moment, she seemed to reach a decision. "Tonight, then. We'll talk to him tonight."

Brock saw her calming down and said, "Why don't you go take a shower. You'll feel better afterward. I'll watch Ash. And you should eat something, too. I don't think Ash could take it if you got sick right now as well. He'd just worry about you on top of everything else, and he doesn't need that. He needs you to be well for him, okay? And so do I. I can't take care of him or talk to him the way you can."

Misty forced a smile, thanked Brock, and, feeling a little relieved, went and got into a cold shower. She was exhausted, but wanted to stay awake to be there in case Ash did wake up and start talking.

She had liked the feeling of Ash holding her for protection from his unknown enemy. She felt good knowing that once, just once, she had been the one protecting him and not vice-versa.

She was going to Professor Oak's today. He had often asked her it he could keep Togepi over night, even if just once, to observe. She'd always said no, but he would get a surprise today.

Misty wanted Togepi out of the house until Ash was better. Things were already bad, but they could get worse, and she needed a baby-sitter. Possibly even for a few days. Professor Oak would be thrilled, she was sure, and Misty would be able to put all of her attention on Ash, who needed her now more then even he knew.

--------

Ash was having good dreams at the moment. Every time he began to think about his father, he would feel something comforting and good flow through him and his dreams would change to something nice, like Misty.

After a while he woke to find the room lit up by the morning, if that's what you chose to call it. The sky was still black with clouds. Apparently the storm wasn't going anywhere for a long time, but at least it wasn't raining at the moment. He turned and saw Brock at his desk, reading "1,000 Things Every Pokemon Breeder Should Know".

At first Ash wondered why he was there and not cooking breakfast as he so loved to do, but then he remembered passing out and being carried upstairs by his friends. And he remembered his nightmare.

He realized that he couldn't remember anything else from that night except the dream, and prayed silently that he hadn't done anything to show he was having one, or said anything while he was asleep. He didn't think he'd ever talked in his sleep before, but one couldn't be too sure…

Ash felt like a walking death sentence. If he said the wrong thing, he knew what would happen, and he had to be careful.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu's voice suddenly rang out and he leapt onto Ash's chest and hugged himself as close and tightly to his trainer as his tiny arms would allow. "Pika pika pikpikachu pikachupi pikakachu pikachu, pikapi!"

Aside from his own and Misty's names, Ash didn't understand one word that his Pokémon had just said, but he decided to take a guess and reached up one arm and laid his hand on Pikachu's back, holding the tiny creature close to let him know he was alright, and that he had missed him, too. He wondered briefly what Misty had to do with anything.

Brock had heard Pikachu and looked up to see Ash hugging him. He closed his book and wheeled the chair around, "Hey, Ash. Feeling any better?"

"Yeah," the boy said quietly as he tried to sit up using both hands to support himself as Pikachu slid down his tummy and into his lap with a small plop.

As soon as he was up, Ash immediately felt very dizzy and fell back onto the pillow with his eyes closed. It took him a minute to reorganize his thoughts, and when he opened his eyes, Brock was crouching next to him, looking worried. Pikachu was back on his chest hugging him as if he'd never moved.

"I did that on purpose." Ash said forcing a little smile to show he was still with them.

"Sure, Ash." Brock answered sarcastically, rolling his eyes and forcing a smile himself. "You just tried to sit up too fast. Take it easy today. You still have a fever. Misty stayed awake taking care of you all night."

Ash slightly reddened at this. "She did?"

"Yeah." Came the reply. "I just came in here a few minutes ago, literally. She went to get in the shower and after that I'm hoping she'll eat and take a nap. She looked exhausted."

Ash felt more guilty with each word Brock said.

Brock continued, "well, if you're feeling a bit better, I'm going downstairs to cook breakfast. Do you want anything to eat?"

"I'm not really hungry right now. How about you, Pikachu?"

"Chu." It answered sleepily.

Brock smiled, told Ash to rest up a bit before trying to move again, and walked out, leaving the door open a crack so that if Ash needed anything, he could just call them.

As soon as Brock was gone, Ash kicked off the blanket. He felt so hot, he could feel his fever burning through him, though it was not as bad as it had been during the night, he was sure.

He realized that he was in clean clothes now. They were a pair of green basketball shorts that he rarely wore, he had probably been too hot for them to put long pants on him, and a clean black t-shirt.

Misty or Brock must have changed him the night before. The cool air felt good on his skin and he figured the window must be open, for there was the lightest of breezes floating through the room.

'_It's my fault for getting them so worried, and for causing them so much trouble.' _He thought to himself. '_Misty must hate me. But that's still better than the alternative. If I ever told them the truth, they'd all be in danger. And they'd never look at me like a friend again. They'd feel sorry for me or treat me like I'm some strange neglected "thing". Misty would probably just leave cause she'd never want to be seen with a "thing" like me anyway. _

'_It makes me wonder why she's stayed around so long, as it is. But I'm so glad she has. I love having her there by me. Coaching me, supporting me, helping me, arguing with me, pointing out when I get us lost, blaming me for everything… Ok, so it's not a perfect relationship, but I kinda like it anyway. I want it to be more, but I'm so scared of ruining what we have now by asking. And if I told her about what happened to me, well, she'll leave me, and I seriously don't think I could deal with that right now, or ever.' _

He began to absentmindedly stroke Pikachu, who still hadn't moved from his position, high on Ash's chest. The sun was well up now. These thoughts hadn't been flying through his head. They formed in his mind slowly. Ash looked up at the clock. It was already ten o'clock. His thoughts continued.

'_Still… I don't know if I can see my dad again the day after tomorrow without someone knowing. It's just like being alone. I mean, look at look at yourself, Ash! You're already so scared that you've made yourself a sick, weak, nervous wreck, and your dad isn't even here yet! I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore. I hate it. I need to tell somebody. I can't do this anymore.'_

At this point Ash's body tensed up. '_NO! This always happens! I always break in the end and run crying to Misty and Brock so they can make me feel better. But they can't do anything about it this time, so I'm going to stick it out by myself. For once in my life, I'm not going to break down. No matter what it does to me and how worried people get, and how much it hurts and is hard, I'm going to stay on for the whole ride this time.' _

With his mind made up, Ash felt more determined than ever to keep it that way. If thinking about the problem was making it so harder to deal with, he would just ignore it as long as he could, and worry about more important things until the time came.

He looked fondly at Pikachu, who was still cuddled close to him and hadn't moved, and smiled a real smile for the first time in three days. He had a responsibility to his Pokémon. They came first, not him, and as long as he remembered that, It wouldn't be that hard to forget about his dad for a while, right?

As Ash continued to watch his most precious Pokémon, he suddenly realized that Pikachu had fallen asleep. Riding on the gentle up and down motion of Ash's chest as he breathed had probably put him out. Ash was kind of glad about that, considering that Pikachu had probably stayed awake all night with Misty.

He still couldn't believe she had done that, but right now he had to put it all in the back of his mind_. 'Maybe one of these days, when this is all over, I'll ask her why she did that for me.'_ He thought to himself.

Pikachu shivered. Ash took the bottom of his shirt and folded it up like a blanket over Pikachu's body, leaving his own soft skin from his chest to his pants exposed.

He felt more vulnerable like this. Toward what he didn't know. Maybe it was because he was sick, and he always felt more helpless when he was sick, cause he couldn't really fight or defend himself against anything, and it severely lowered his abilities as a trainer in a battle.

He watched Pikachu sleep and listened to his cute, quiet little Pikachu snores until he himself began to get droopy eyed again. He closed his eyes and his breathing matched Pikachu's as he started to think about his next badge.

-----

He was almost gone when he faintly heard the door slide open. He didn't want to open his eyes. He figured whoever it was would leave when they saw him sleeping. They didn't. Instead he felt whoever it was sit down next to him. He heard her laugh a little and knew it was Misty. He figured he probably looked really dumb with his shirt over Pikachu like that.

Then he felt something cool gently touching his naked skin. Her hand.

Now that he wasn't covered by anything, even the lightest touch anywhere on or around his tummy and ribs tickled like crazy. But it felt so good at the same time.

Misty was the only one who could touch him like that and make him feel this way, though she didn't know it. She was probably checking his fever. She usually didn't touch there for something like that, though.

She knew how sensitive he was. It was probably because his middle was closer to her than his forehead. The feeling was gone after a second, though. She pet Pikachu a couple times and then stated doing something.

Ash opened his eyes to see her pouring some medicine into a little measuring cap. She must have though he was sleeping, because when she looked back at him she looked surprised.

"Oh, you're awake!" She said with a smile. "Good, you can take this then. I was just going to leave it next to you for you to take when you woke up." She handed him a medicine cup with some cold and flu liquid stuff.

"Yeah, I'm awake." He said. He took the medication in one swallow and she took the cup back and set it down.

It was a few minutes before anyone spoke. Still exhausted, Ash was already half asleep when he said groggily, "Hey Misty? Thanks for taking care of me last night. I don't know what happened, but Brock said you stayed up all night with me. So I just wanted you to know…"

"It's ok, Ash. You were sick. Things happen. Are you feeling better today, though?" She asked him. "You kicked off your blanket…"

"It's ok, I'm just a little hot." He felt her put her cool hand on his cheek. It felt so good. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, almost a moan. He realized what he had done immediately and began to cough to hide it. She looked worried and took her hand away. He was both relieved and disappointed.

"A _little_ hot?" She asked sarcastically, then smiled again. "At least you aren't as bad as you were last night. You're also a convenient warm sleeping bag for Pikachu."

"Ha Ha." Said Ash with the same sarcasm she had displayed just moments before.

She paused, gave him an evil smile, and took two fingers and slid them quickly yet gently down his soft, unprotected tummy and into the belly button. She watched him gasp, then giggle and squirm under the tickle assault. Then she got up and turned to leave before he could catch his breath and start yelling at her.

She had only done this a few times before, when he was arguing with her or when she just wanted him to shut up, or when they were playing around. It always worked because Ash had way too many ticklish places to defend them all at once.

He was practically defenseless against it and it was torture to him. Mostly because he knew as well as she did that she could have him rolling on the ground in laughter if she wanted to, and though she hadn't yet, it left him at her mercy. So he had always listened to her then.

This time, however, she had done it just to see him laugh. Ash was always so happy and playful, but she hadn't heard him laugh in days and she needed to.

He needed to.

Ash had his shirt back down and his arms wrapped around his middle defensively, when he saw her start walking out of the room. "Where are you going?" he asked her, forgetting everything else. He had expected her to stay at least a little longer than two minutes.

"Back downstairs. You need to rest up and get better, and you can't do it if you're all riled up."

"Whose fault is that!" He asked slightly annoyed. But she was gone. It wasn't fair. He had wanted her to stay around. But it was fair. It was more than fair that she came to visit him at all, after staying up with him all night long. She had looked really tired, like Brock said.

Ash looked at the clock. It was already past noon, but he realized that he was still on the verge of the sleep he had almost been in before she came, despite the small 'upset' that had made Pikachu stand up, spin around once, and lay back down, looking annoyed.

He covered his Pokémon with his shirt again as rain started pelting the window outside and thunder rumbled. Then he relaxed and fell asleep, dreaming at first about Misty. However, all memories of her faded as the dream quickly changed and turned into the inside of a closet he that was trapped in, again.

-----

Misty came out of Ash's room laughing at the boy's reaction to the attack she had launched. He acted like such a baby sometimes! But she was so glad to see him laughing and playing around with her, even if it was only for a second. Any longer than that and it would have been overdone because she had never held out on him for longer than that. He couldn't take it. Just five seconds and he had been out of breath and struggling to hold back tears of laughter.

He was just so sensitive! It wasn't always a good thing, though. Ash didn't take certain types of pain well at all. When he stubbed his toe or someone threw a pen at him, he would complain loudly about it for a week! Whereas, if Ash got really hurt through physical contact by certain objects, he would keep it a secret, like it was dangerous to tell or something weird like that. It seemed to have a strange affect on him.

Misty remembered the first time such a thing happened. Ash had tripped and fallen into a large boulder and hit his knee. He had sat in shock for a few minutes, then got up and tried to act as though nothing had happened. He wouldn't tell people he was hurt, but he was limping for five days. She thought he was faking it, cause if it had been real he would be making a huge deal out of it like every other injury.

She had finally gotten upset and yelled at him for trying to bring attention to himself.

He had looked like he was going to cry. Figuring he was upset that she'd found him out, she walked over, rolled up his pant leg none to gently, and gasped when she saw his whole knee was bruised, bloody, and infected, swollen to twice it's size and even slightly twisted.

He'd then had to suffer a lecture from her for not telling anyone, but he didn't seem to get it. He had just looked straight into her eyes and said, "You couldn't understand". He wouldn't say more than that, however, no matter how hard she tried to get him to explain. He was really the one who didn't understand, and she didn't know why he tried to hide his injuries.

Then he had put up a fight about going to see a doctor. It was as if he thought they'd see something that wasn't supposed to be there. He kept talking about scars. Misty and Brock had never seen any scars on him, so they didn't know what he was talking about. Neither did the doctor, when they got him in the office to see him. Ash had been terrified about it, though.

After they left the doctor, he never mentioned them again, and if anyone else mentioned scars in general, he'd go all quiet. It irritated her and confused her, so she had ignored it until now, but…

Since he had gone quiet a few times because of injuries, as well as battles and Gary, she had at first thought that may be the case, but last night she had checked him over very closely for anything, and he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere. All the same, she didn't want to chance getting rough or upsetting him when he was like this.

She walked downstairs, rinsed the medicine cup out, and put it away with the bottle. According to the bottle, Ash would need another dose in four hours.

She felt tired all of a sudden, and went over to the couch. Brock wasn't sleeping, so she could use it. He'd told her to anyway.

She considered going upstairs, but Ash had still been kind of hot and she didn't want to go back and get him all excited and started on a conversation which would probably start (and end) with him bolting up, yelling "I can't wait to get my next badge!" Which would make his fever rise, and he'd pass out on the spot.

A rather funny visual, she had to admit, but not something she wanted to have actually happen to him.

She watched TV for a few minutes, but the only thing on all the stations was the breaking news story of the girl's body that had been found by Viridian City. They still had no suspects and were looking anywhere for help and the cops were warning people to be careful. There had been a city wide curfew put on both Vermillion and Viridian. No one could be out after a certain time, and had to buddy up during the day.

'_It must be a really serious problem to take such drastic measures,' _Misty thought, '_They must expect him to attack again or something. He probably won't even stay near there anymore. If they're looking for him that far he'll probably find some excuse to leave and go some place else.'_

She curled up on the couch, fell asleep, and stayed that way until about three, when she got up to help Delia in her garden during one of the brief periods of time when the rain actually stopped.

-----

Ash woke around four o'clock covered in sweat and out of breath. Another nightmare. He sat up slowly, lowered his head to his chest and started sobbing.

"Pikapi? Pikachu?" Ash looked over at Pikachu's worried face.

"Oh, Pikachu!" He gently picked up his pokemon and held him close. No one else was in the room, and Ash needed to let out some of the pain. He hugged Pikachu and it hugged him back, and he just cried.

There was no real description for it other than that. He cried like what he was. He cried like an eleven year old who was suffering through unimaginable emotional pain. Pikachu was actually glad he was crying. He was finally opening up some. Ash didn't have to say anything to open up to Pikachu. He didn't have to explain why, as long as he opened up some. When Ash cried, Pikachu didn't have to know what was wrong with him to know how to take care of him. All he had to do was be there, and that much he could do without the facts.

After a while, Ash gradually stopped and looked at Pikachu, who looked back up at him.

"Hey, buddy." He whispered. "Sorry about that."

"Chu, chu." Pikachu answered quietly, shaking his head to say 'don't worry about it.'

Ash smiled and gave Pikachu an extra hug. "Thanks, Pikachu." Then he put him down, dried his face and said in a normal voice "I'm feeling better now. Want to go downstairs?"

"Pi!" Said Pikachu, trying to sound happy for his trainer, though inside it was worried again. Ash was closing up. He had cried, true, and let out some of his emotion, and now he was pretending it never happened. Like nothing was wrong.

He was acting like a bottle. He had stored up his emotion until the bottle overflowed, then he poured some of it out by crying to Pikachu, then put the cork back in and hid all his pain away again until the next time it became too much and he'd need to spill his tears. Ash wasn't good at doing this, however, he was way too young and small. It was hurting him so much… and everyone knew it.

------

Ash went into the bathroom and washed his face. Though it was late, he had changed into his regular clothes. When he looked half way decent in his opinion, he headed down the steps with Pikachu on his hat.

Misty was in the kitchen now. It had started raining an hour ago and everyone had come inside. It was four thirty and Ash was over due for his medicine. She poured some for him and was about to take it upstairs when he walked into the kitchen. Misty took one look at his face and saw that he'd been crying. Probably for a long time.

He was smiling now, trying to hide it. It broke her heart that no matter what she did it was as if she wasn't doing anything at all. Just last time she'd seen him, he'd been laughing and playing with her. He'd been the Ash that she loved so much. But now his eyes here puffy and his face was red and it took everything she had in her not to burst into tears.

Brock had noticed Ash's face, too. He looked at Misty right away and saw her on the brink of tears herself. He walked over and stood by her.

"It's all right, Misty. We'll talk to him tonight when his mom leaves for that visit she told us about earlier. Just take him the medicine, and try to smile. He needs it."

------

They finished making dinner with lots of friendly conversation amongst all present. As soon as the food was done and Misty and Ash were setting the table to eat, Delia walked over to the kitchen door that led out to the garden and started putting on her shoes.

"You're going out in this weather?" Ash asked her.

"I promised Mrs. Spinnet last week that I'd go over for tea today." She said in her usual cheery voice.

"But it's pouring outside! Can't you just cancel?" He asked her.

"Now, sweetie, I know I've told you it's rude to cancel engagements so suddenly. It's only a bit of water, after all. I'll be fine." She finished putting on her shoes and walked to the door with her coat and umbrella. Mr. Mime was going with her.

"Bye, honey, I'll be back late tonight. Be in bed! Change your underwear and put on your pajamas, ok? I love you, sweetie!" With that, she left.

"That was strange." Said Ash. "She's usually so picky about me going out in bad weather and she never does it herself."

"Maybe she had something important to talk about or something." Commented Brock as he scooped lasagna and salad onto their plates and Misty put them on the table. "Anyway, come and eat." He concluded.

"Ash," said Misty, "Remember to take your medicine. It's next to your plate."

"Thanks, Misty." He swallowed the liquid in the cup quickly and drank it down. It tasted horrible. Then his friends joined him and began eating in silence. Pikachu seemed to be enjoying his dinner. Ash still didn't feel hungry. His mind started to drift to the thought that his dad would be there the day after tomorrow…. About ten minutes went by before Misty commented on his lack of appetite.

"Ash, why aren't you eating?" She asked him casually. "You should. You haven't eaten anything all day and you're usually a bottomless pit!"

"I'm ok." Ash lied.

"You sure?" Asked Brock, suspiciously. "You've been acting really strange lately. It's seemed to affect your appetite more than your fever has, don't you think?"

Ash was rubbing his eyes and yawning as he said, "Y…yeah…. NO!" He caught himself quick and said in a fast, panicky voice, "No, I just don't feel well. Nothing's wrong, though."

Shoot! A strange feeling of doom had settled on him. He could see by his friend's expressions that he'd just given them the slip they'd been waiting for.

"Really?" Said Misty. "Then what's on your mind? You look dazed out."

"Nothing!" he said again, with a note of panic in his voice.

His best friend must have detected this clearly, and apparently she knew a little more then she let on, because she answered, "Good, then you won't mind telling us about your dad."

His father's insults and screams suddenly echoed through his mind, crushing his feelings to dust. All his confidence, self esteem, all he was… It was nothing. He was nothing. His father tore him down lower than he'd ever felt. He could actually feel his heart aching. It hurt him so much inside. And that wasn't even his worst memory about his dad.

He didn't know how to answer her question. He could say he had a headache, and that he didn't want to talk. But she would know he was lying.

On the other hand, if he told her the truth, she could make him feel better. He wanted her to hold him so bad. All he had to do was tell them what she wanted to know, and he wouldn't feel alone anymore.

Then he heard his dad's voice saying in a cold, deadly whisper, "If you ever tell anyone about this I swear that I'll kill you, but not before you see me kill them."

Ash looked back up at Misty and said, "What's there to tell? He's my dad. That's about it." It hurt him to force the words out.

Misty didn't buy it anyway. She looked at him hurt. "Well, then" she said, "I'll be more specific. What did you two like to do together? You're mom said you played sports. What kind of sports?" She sounded to Ash like she was just making conversation. She didn't sound demanding or in his face about it. She was still eating like everything was perfectly normal, and so was Brock.

It made Ash feel unsure. They seemed like they didn't care, but at the same time they were pushing the matter and wouldn't let the subject be changed. Ash decided they were probably just curious, but all the same, he couldn't answer her questions, so what could he do?

"Just sports." He said, then before another unanswerable question could come at him, he got up, saying, "I'm not hungry. I think I'll go for a walk. C'mon, Pikachu."

"Chu" answered the small creature defiantly.

"What?" Ash stopped short. Pikachu was openly disobeying him. this wasn't entirely uncommon, but still….

"Chu" he said again, looking straight into his trainer's eyes for some sign of emotion.

Ash felt shocked and a little hurt. But mostly he wondered what would make Pikachu do this. Misty and Brock were looking at him with the same eyes Pikachu was. It was like a mutiny. Ash suddenly got very nervous and said, "Ok, buddy. You don't have to go…"

"Neither do you, Ash" said Brock. "You can sit right back down and talk to us. This is ridiculous!"

Ash just stood there. This caught him totally off guard and he didn't know weather to run or stay. Thankfully, Misty cut in.

"What Brock means, Ash, is that we're worried about you. You're not yourself at all, keeping secrets when you've always been honest, running away from your problems when you've always faced them. We just want to know what happened to make you change so suddenly. We don't want you to be alone anymore."

These words seemed to strike something in Ash. They didn't want him to be alone. They wanted to be there with him and protect him. He couldn't help but smile a little as tears began to form. He quickly pulled his hat brim down so his face was hidden and they couldn't see. He felt so relieved that they weren't mad at him, and he suddenly had an overwhelming urge to run to Misty and cry and tell her everything. But his father's words echoed to him again, and he stopped himself. His friends were waiting to see what he would do.

Ash didn't really know what to do, but he felt grateful to them for trying to help him, even if he couldn't tell them anything. "Thanks, you guys. That means a lot… but I'm sorry." He turned and walked slowly out of the kitchen with his head down and his eyes full of tears.

Misty was fed up with this. She walked out after him. "I'm sorry, too, Ash." She said, as she pushed him into the open closet under the stairs that he was passing by. "But you can't do this anymore. Last night you were delirious with fever and crying about someone being after you. If you think you're in trouble or something, we can help you, but you have to tell us why first!"

With that, Misty closed the door and turned the lock.

Ash suddenly realized what was what had happened. He was trapped, locked up, and unlike before, this wasn't a dream. It was too real. He instantly forgot all about his friends who were standing on the other side of the door. Time stood still in a moment of absolute terror, and then in the dark, it was easy to see his dad coming at him with something in his hand. It was easy to hear the sound of a belt cracking or his dad's yells and footsteps as he came down the hallway, though it was really silent and still. Ash felt the tears dripping down his face, and his body shaking as he shrunk back against the wall. This wasn't happening. Not again. He couldn't hold back any longer and as the sobs broke violently through, he threw himself into the door, desperate to make it stop.

-----

In the hallway, on the other side of the door, Brock and Pikachu rushed to join Misty as she locked the door closed. Misty looked back at Brock, who nodded to her. It was a shame it had gotten this far, but it had to be done. After all, this was for his own good, right? However, what followed was not exactly how they had pictured Ash would take this.

It was complete silence for a moment… the clock ticked in the hall next to them… no one said a word… the silence was deadly. Misty suddenly wanted to let Ash out and do this any other way then in silence with him held prisoner, when Ash screamed out his sobs and threw himself into the door as he were trying to get away from a man-eating tiger trapped in there with him.

Ash cried, pounded his shoulder into the door over and over, a little harder each time. This made his friends back away. Brock edged up and knocked on the door. Never in all his experience of raising his siblings had something like this happened. He wasn't really sure what to say, but Ash was hurting himself and showed no sign of stopping. "Ash," He yelled, sounding both pissed off and scared. "What's the matter with you! You're acting like a little kid! Grow up and stop this right now!"

Then Misty clapped her hand over Brock's mouth, and looked at the door through frightened tears. Ash was desperately crying out to someone, but it wasn't them.

"I'm so sorry." he sobbed "I'll never do it again, I promise, please don't leave me in here. _Please_!"

The screams and sobs issued from Ash as the pounding continued. The door began to splinter under the force of the blows Ash was giving it.

"Is anybody out there?" Ash sobbed, still throwing himself at the wood. "Please let me out. I'll be a good boy, I swear! If I did anything I'm sorry! Please don't just leave me! Don't leave me here for him to find me. Please! I'll be a good boy! I'll do anything! Please don't leave me here! _Please_!"

The door was really starting to creak under each blow when it suddenly stopped. Between screaming, sobbing, choking out words, and throwing himself onto the door, Ash was having a relatively hard time breathing and had started to cough violently while leaning against the door.

Brock had frozen. This wasn't right. Pikachu was hysterical, screaming for someone to let Ash out. Misty was the only one who took action. She pushed Brock out of the way and threw the door open.

Ash fell out on top her. She tumbled to her knees with Ash in her lap. He was covered in tears, and seemed to be having a hard time breathing through his sobs. She looked down at his body. There was blood running in a tiny stream from his shoulder down his arm and dripping from his fingers.

She pressed her hand and his sleeve against the wound. He was going to have bruises all over the upper part of his body from hurting himself against the door like that.

She ran her fingers up and down his neck like she had last night. He was too hysterical to feel it at first. He was shaking so bad Brock was holding his legs down to keep him still. Moments ago he'd kicked hard against the wall and almost busted a hole through it. The whole house had shuddered under it. Thank goodness Ash was too small to do much damage to anything other than the door, and that had been Misty's fault for locking him behind it in the first place.

Misty was cradling the top half of his body, which he had turned inward, facing her, while Brock was holding down the bottom half. She rocked him forward and backward gently, while running her hands over his back or through his hair or stroking his cheek. This went on for ten minutes. Pikachu had cuddled up next to him and was petting Ash's back.

-----

Ash held his eyes closed the whole time. He was still scared, but he was slowly coming back to reality. That is, if you could call this reality. Someone was holding him and touching him in such a tender way that he thought for sure he was dreaming, or would be soon.

But he also felt someone else holding his legs down as body shook and knew that it had to be real. He couldn't control his shaking or his tears that were pouring. He tired to stop his sobbing but he couldn't. Then, as things became more clear, he began to realize who was with him. He felt Misty's finger on his cheek and calmed. She was there. They were all there, holding him, making it the pain more bearable, helping him regain his composure. As his heart rate slowed, his trembling also calmed, though he couldn't stop crying.

He couldn't do it anymore. He had reached his limit. He couldn't hold in the memories and the secrets and lies and the pain he had felt and the harsh words that were spoken to him, it hurt too much. And look at what it was doing to him and his friends. They were hurting, too.

He felt Misty's tears drop onto his face and mix with his. Pikachu was crying and doing whatever he could to help him without jumping up onto him. Brock had now let his legs go, as Ash wasn't kicking or fighting anymore. He heard Brock's voice say, "I think he's calming down now. Lets move him some place more comfortable."

Ash whimpered quietly between sobs as he felt Misty loosen her arms from around him, then felt Brock's stronger arms pick him up cradle position, one arm under his knees, the other under his shoulders and neck, supporting his head. He felt like a baby, but at that point he didn't care anymore. He needed to be babied. He opened his watering eyes and glanced around the room.

Brock was carrying him slowly into the living room. Misty was next to him, ready in case he slipped. She saw Ash eyes open and said, "Hold still, Ash. It's all over now. Everything's gonna be okay."

He did as he was told. He was already crying and if he moved around to top it off, Brock might drop him, though they all doubted it. Brock had never dropped Ash before. And he'd carried him on several different occasions when he was sleeping thanks to Jigglypuff or hurt by team rocket. As they made it to the couch Misty ran around in front of Brock and sat down at one end of the sofa. She reached up her arms toward him and said, "Come here, Ash."

Ash leaned out toward her slightly and she took his arm and wrapped it around her and then helped support Ash's upper body as Brock laid him down on the couch. They eased him down onto his right side with his head in Misty's lap while the rest of him was sprawled out on the couch with his knees still bent from the cradle position. He was too small to fill the whole couch, even while lying down. Brock grabbed the first aid kit out of the bathroom, pulled over the squashy arm chair close to them, and sat down. Ash had his eyes closed again. You'd never know weather he was awake or asleep, if it weren't for the crying.

"Hi Ash," said Misty, quietly and gently, as if she was welcoming him back home. She was still rocking him slightly, "Do you feel better now? Are you okay?" She wasn't really sure if he really was back with them again, or still slightly delirious.

Ash slowly opened his eyes. His body was totally relaxed and he felt sleep rolling in as he slowly gained control of his breathing enough to stop crying. Left with nothing but the hiccups and a few stray tears, "My shoulder hurts." He said quietly.

"I'm going to take care of that now." said Brock, "Can you take your shirt off?"

Ash half sat up with help and took his shirt off. Then he laid back down like he was before, turned toward Misty a bit more so Brock could reach his left shoulder better. For a few minutes, there was nothing but Brock cleaning and bandaging, with Misty helping him here and there, but mostly holding Ash steady. Brock was telling them that it was sprained and that Ash had to go easy on it for a few days.

They finished and sat back again. Ash lay on his right side, eyes closed, comfortable in Misty's lap again, facing her. '_After all that,' _Ash though to himself as she rubbed his back, putting him to sleep. '_After all that, they still treat me like a friend. Maybe… maybe they won't leave after all._'

"Hey guys?" He said as he drifted off. "There's something I have to tell you." But, being too tired to even find where to start, he fell asleep before he could finish what it was.


	5. Truth Be Told

I don't own Pokemon. Now that that's out of the way… I need to remind you that this story is rated R and that should not be taken lightly. Thank you to all my reviewers, especially those who came back after reading this story the first time sooo many years ago!

I dedicated this chapter to an author on this site and an e-mail friend of mine a long time ago. I don't plan on ever retracting a dedication, so though it is old, this chapter is for kasumigrl. Read her fics. She writes cute little AAMRs. Pester her with weird reviews! (evil laughter sorry, Sumi-chan!)

**Painful Secrets**

**Chapter 5 --- Truth Be Told**

"Hey, guys?" said Ash sleepily, "There's something I have to tell you…" But he fell asleep before he could get it out.

Misty continued to hold him as she turned to Brock and Pikachu, and smiled through her tears. "He's ready," She said.

"Yeah," Said Brock. "He's ready to tell us. I hope he still feels that way after a good sleep. That medicine sure picked a rotten time to kick in…"

"Pikachu!" agreed Pikachu, who had curled up in the crook of Ash's legs.

"He'll tell. He'll be fine now. I'm sure of it." She answered them. A moment of semi-quiet relief settled on the room, and then, "Hey, Brock? What are we going to tell his mom?"

"I don't know. I should try to fix the door up a bit." Said Brock, looking thoughtfully at the door. "What was that all about, anyway?"

"I'm not sure, but when he was in the closet, he started saying some of the same things that he said last night when he was delirious. It's as if he thinks someone is after him, and I don't know if you've really thought about it, but it's only started since he found out his dad was coming over. I think there's a connection there -I _really_ do- but I don't know what it could be. I mean, why would Ash be afraid of his dad like that? He acted like he was expecting something to happen back there."

"You know, the reason he was acting like that is probably because something happened to him when he was younger. Maybe he's claustrophobic?"

"Chu…" said Pikachu, doubtfully.

"I don't know, Brock. He's been in all kinds of caves and sewers and such before and has never done anything even remotely close to panicking. Ash always tries to keep his cool in tough situations. I mean, he never just _lets_ us see the little kid side of him, but what he did just now… I don't think he could help it. He seemed to be in a whole other world where we weren't. If something happened to him between he and his father when he was little, it must have cut him deep…" She bit her lip thoughtfully for a moment, hunting for some kind of clue, and then, "But that still doesn't explain why he would be afraid that someone's after him!"

"Well, I'm officially confused!" said Brock. "And I guess I'll stay that way until Ash wakes up. He shouldn't be out for too long, even with the medicine. He's probably just piecing himself back together. We have rouse him in a few minutes anyway, because if his mom comes home and sees him like this all bandaged up, she'll have a conniption fit. We have to move him upstairs and I'm afraid of hurting his arm more if I carry him, so he's best off walking. We can also talk there, where it's quiet and no one will walk in."

He had walked out into the hall and was now looking at the bent door from different angles. "Oh, man! How am I going to hide this!" Misty almost smiled at how Brock was able to take charge so well. '_What would we do without him?'_

He began banging part of the door that was bent outward so that it was straight again. While he was doing this, Misty was studying Ash's skin. It was strange, but as she looked closely, she could he several oddly shopped scars covering him that she'd never noticed before. They had faded, as all scar tissue did in time, and his dark tan hid them very well, but Misty couldn't imagine what Ash could have possibly done that had made so many oddly shaped bruise scars when he was younger. Even _Ash's_ clumsiness didn't extend THAT far. Brock's banging sounds soon distracted her before she could ponder it any further.

After a few minutes, you wouldn't have known anything had happened to the door if you didn't look real close, and that closet was rarely used. The only one in the house who might ever do something so bizarre as scrutinize the closet door was Mr. Mime, and Brock could stop him from talking by simply stealing the mop and threatening never to give it back.

"Ok." Said Brock, walking back in the living room. "Wake him up slowly, so he doesn't get scared or jump up and hurt himself or anything."

Misty shook him a little, careful not to disturb his shoulder. "Ash," She called in a sing-song voice, "It's time to wake up now. Hey, we're gonna go upstairs to your bedroom, ok? C'mon."

Ash slowly opened his eyes and heard her. He hadn't been in a very deep sleep anyway, so he woke up easily. He just sat up without argument, and they all headed upstairs. Now that he was emotionally together again, he didn't need help with the stairs or anything. He knew what he was going to do, and he had to do it before his nerve ran out.

They made it up to his room and he sat on the ladder up onto his bed, his feet on the bottom step with the rest of him on the third. Just as high off the floor as he would be if he were sitting in his desk chair, which was occupied by Brock. Pikachu was perched on the desktop, and Misty had pulled the rocking chair out of the corner and sat a few feet away from Ash.

They were all quiet for a little, then Ash spoke quietly, with his head down, like he was ashamed or sorry for something he had done. "Hey, guys?" he asked slowly. "Why do you stay with me? I mean, as I travel around and earn badges. Why do you stay with me?"

Brock and Misty looked at each other in bewilderment. Then Brock answered in a sort of confused voice, "Because you're our best friend, Ash. That's what friends do. They stick together."

"Why are you my friends?" Ash asked, still talking slowly and ashamed, like he was scared of their answer.

"Well," started Brock, "Because you're nice, and friendly… and you have a lot of determination that stands out. You're stubborn, but brave, you have a lot of pride, and people admire that about you. You never give up on anything. And you're honest. You don't keep secrets from us." He said the last two sentences with a bit more emphasis.

Ash, again, felt a tear run down his face as Brock spoke. He'd cried more in the last hour than he had in his whole life before then, but he didn't care then. He also realized that his hat was down on the couch, so there was no way to hide his pain anymore. He bowed his head.

Misty saw Ash's tear fall as Brock said his last two sentences. She cut in with a gentle voice, "Ash, you're our friend because we like you. You're a good person with a good heart and we want to be near you because of that." As she said her last sentence, Ash squeezed his eyes shut as more tears fell. He was wringing his hands together.

Then he whispered, "I'm not a good person."

"What? (pika?)" Asked his three very unsure friends in unison, leaning forward, toward him.

"I'm not a good person" He said again in a small cracking voice instead of a whisper, "I'm not. I've done… things. I mean, I've gotten in so much trouble for them."

"Ash," asked Misty coaxingly, is if speaking to a three year old, "What are the bad things that you think you've done?"

"I don't think I've done them. I know I did. I'm the reason my parents broke up. It's my fault. And it's my fault that my dad has to send us money, even though he doesn't want to. When he has a bad day at work it's also my fault. And, and, and…" He started hiccupping the last word, then broke off into body-racking sobs, unable to continue saying what else was 'his fault'. He pressed his forehead into his hands, trying to hide his face.

Brock, Misty and Pikachu looked at him with very bewildered expressions again. They suddenly got the feeling that this was just the icing on a cake with many layers. Misty didn't waste a second.

"Who told you that?" She asked him. No answer, just crying. "Ash, who told you that?" She repeated herself louder and more clearly.

"Dad." Came the almost inaudible whisper. '_Here it comes' _thought Ash_. 'Here's the part when they tell me I'm terrible and that they hate me and leave forever.'_

"Why would you're dad blame you for something like that?" Asked Brock seriously. "Is that why you don't want to see your dad again?"

"No. It's sort of the reason, but not really. And he blamed me because it's true." He said ashamedly through his sobs.

"No." Said Misty, reaching up and taking his hands away from his tear stained face. "No, Ash. It's not true. Not at all. You're dad was wrong. Sometimes things happen, and they're nobody's fault. They just happen."

Ash was amazed that Misty was still there with him, that she wasn't treating him like some awful inhuman thing, and that she was supporting him.

But that was all thrown to the back of his mind as he heard what she said and he was suddenly looking a bit confused himself.

"But why else would he do it? He said it was because I'm bad. He told me it was because I'm a bad person and I deserved it. He told me it was my fault."

All the others in the room were speechless. Well, maybe not speechless, they all had one question in mind, but they were afraid to ask it. Ash trembled and started playing with his gloves. He seemed to be worried by the silence. They thought it was strange, but Ash seemed to be bracing himself for them to start yelling at him or something. Misty took a gentle hold on his fidgeting hands again.

"Ash," she said in a very coaxing/serious voice, "What did your dad do to you?"

It was silent for a few moments. Misty was about to ask again a little sweeter when the secret spilled out.

"He hit me." It was a barely audible shaky whisper, and they all found themselves in total shock.

Brock forced his tongue to work. "Do you mean he spanked you?"

"No, Brock." Said Ash shaking with silent sobs. "I mean he hit me."

Brock was still not willing to believe it. "When you say hit…" He started delicately, hoping against hope that it wasn't what he thought it was.

"I mean he beat me!" Ash shouted out, half jumping up and interrupting Brock before he could finish his stupid question. Misty was with him in a second, trying to calm him, but Ash wouldn't be calmed. He'd been holding this in since he was seven and he was going to get it out _NOW!_

"I mean he'd yell at me and throw me in the closet and lock me in the sweltering hot dark and leave me there for hours while he got drunk and then come home and pull me out and throw me at the wall and tell me it was my fault he had to work and my fault that they separated and my fault that he had a bad day and my fault that he never had money and it was _ALL MY FAULT_!"

Ash was now shouting, occasionally screaming, himself hoarse through very loud and violent sobs. Tears were flying off his face, and he was swinging his hands through the air violently to try to show them as well as tell them, what it was like. Misty had backed away, afraid to try to calm him. She and Pikachu were crying, too, but Ash was on a roll.

Then suddenly; "And then he… then he hit me." He almost whispered, then paused to breathe before continuing his shouting, "He hit me with his fists and his boots and his belt and bats and bars and ropes and switches whip-things and jabbed me with pokers and broken glass and nails and burned me and…"

He suddenly dropped to the knees and started coughing and trying to breathe for sobbing before continuing in the middle of another sentence without raising his head once. "Until I was knocked out and he'd leave me there until I woke up and start it all over again… and now you guys are going to hate me and leave and it's all my fault!" The last part was said in a whisper and he had started shaking, not with anger, but with fear. Fear that they would leave him.

Ash stopped, took a few deep breaths, and just started crying quietly. He didn't dare look up. He expected his friends were probably already gone by now. They probably hated him after that and never wanted to talk to him again. They had liked him because they thought he was a good person, and now they knew how grotesque and worthless he was. Even his own father hated him. No one would ever like him now if they knew that his own father didn't even want him.

The thought broke his heart… but then he felt both Brock and Misty lay a hand on his back, kneeling next to him on either side, and saw Pikachu climb into his lap and spread his little arms to hug him.

Ash sat shocked by what was taking place and wondered why this was happening, when the realization suddenly hit him that they weren't going to just leave him.

Misty didn't hate him and she was going to stay right there with him, and he suddenly felt so grateful to God and knew then more than ever that he needed her.

He turned toward her and she must have understood perfectly because she accepted is embrace and held him and just let him cry. She rocked him and caressed his back while Brock kept a supportive hand on his shoulder, to let Ash know that they were all there, and that none of them were leaving him.

Ash cried like that for a long time before he ran out of the energy to cry anymore. He refused to fall asleep, he'd slept most of the day, but he still felt so weak and tired. 'I guess that's what crying for hours after taking Nyquil does to you.' He thought to himself as he tried to calm himself.

His cries eventually turned into little whimpering noises, and then just deep breathing and hiccups.

They all heard his mom come in downstairs. It was around eleven o'clock now. Misty hoped she would open the door to tell them to go to sleep. Ash hoped she wouldn't see him like this and start to baby him. He had his friends to do it for her, and they were better at it. Brock hoped she wouldn't notice the broken closet door.

As luck would have it, she came up and went to bed right away, no questions asked. So they were safe to talk quietly a little longer.

Ash leaned away from Misty so she knew she could stop rocking him now, and picked up Pikachu and held him close.

He stayed down on the floor, while Brock got back up in the chair to give Ash some space. Misty stopped holding him, but still had her hand on his back. It was quiet except for Ash's deep breathing and the rain pelting the window softly.

Those noises kept the environment in the room form being totally uncomfortable and helped Ash feel better. He had decided he wouldn't say anything and let them talk to him first.

Misty found her voice. "When?"

"Every time I went in there. Since I was seven." He answered calmly. His eyes were closed and Brock figured he was probably exhausted and trying to conserve his energy so he wouldn't fall asleep on them.

"Every time!" He asked him. "Ash, why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because he said if I did he would kill me. And he'd kill who ever I told."

"Ash," said Misty, "Didn't you think that if you told someone, your dad would be in jail and would never get the chance to hurt anyone again?"

"Yeah. But what if it didn't work that way? What I told my mom and she blamed me, too? It _is_ my fault that they broke up and that he drinks and everything else, so I thought deserved what I got."

Misty tilted his chin up so they were face to face. "Listen to me, Ash. It is not your fault. It never was, it isn't now, and it never will be.

Your mother would never blame you for anything like that. She loves you more than anything in this world and you know that.

Do you really think that if she blamed you, she would be so protective of you and care so much? If you asked your mother if she blamed you she'd tell you the same thing I'm going to tell you right now. Your parents broke up because he was drinking and your she was scared for you. It's not your fault he drank. He did it because he chose to, not because of you." She paused to let this sink into him. He seemed to be starting to finally understand these things for the first time, but still looked guilty.

"Then why…" He started to ask. Brock interrupted him. He spoke softly, remembering that this was a scared, confused little boy in front of him, and he had to be careful with his words so as not to scare him further.

"Because he's a messed up person, Ash. There's something seriously wrong with him and he needs help. What he did to you was wrong on so many levels it's disgusting. There are child abuse laws. He broke them all. It's one of the worst crimes you can ever commit to hurt a child. He knew that. That's why he threatened you like that. He had to make sure you wouldn't talk."

Ash seemed a bit shocked so Brock waited for a minute before continuing.

"He's a seriously sick and disturbed person. And you said that he locked you up _before_ he got drunk, then came back later after going to the bar! That means he wasn't even acting under the influence. He did that with a totally clear mind and he needs to be punished for that. But it's not your fault, none of what he said is true, and you definitely didn't deserve it, okay?"

Ash was quiet for a couple minutes.

"Okay?" Brock asked again.

"Okay." Ash answered quietly.

"Good." Said Misty proudly while rubbing his back. Then something else that Ash had said came into her mind.

"Ash," She started, "Why did you think we were going to leave you if you told us?"

Ash bit his lip. He had hoped they wouldn't mention that. "Well, I thought that if I told you what I had done and how I had been treated, you wouldn't like me anymore. I mean, if my dad didn't even like me, why should you? And you said that you stayed with me because I was a good person and I'm not and if you found out you'd leave…."

He trailed off because Misty and Brock were looking like they were going to give him a little talk about this. Afraid he'd said the wrong thing again, he quickly said, "I'm sorry. It sounds really lame now. I'm sorry…"

"Ash," Misty spoke carefully. "If I told you that I was beaten instead of you, what would you do?"

"The same thing you did for me." He answered hanging his head.

"That's right. Would you ever get up and leave me because you thought you were better than that, or would you instantly hate me?"

"No." He answered.

"That's right. You wouldn't. Do you know why?"

'_Because I love you.' _He thought, but outwardly he just shook his head for fear of saying the wrong thing.

"Because you care about others. You'd never hurt anyone, and you're always there for us. In fact, you care more for others than you do for your self. And that's what makes you such a good person."

Ash felt a small smile appear on his lips and tears starting to form again. But Misty wasn't done. She was going to make sure that Ash understood how strong their friendship was.

She was quiet for a minute, then put on a sad expression and said in a fake tearful voice, "Now I have a confession to make. I'm a bad person. I've done really terrible things."

"You're not a bad person!" Ash instantly objected. "You're one of the greatest people I've ever met! You're my best friend! I don't care what you've done. It doesn't matter to me."

"How can you say that I'm not a bad person? How do you know for sure?" She asked him, still sounding sorry for herself. Brock was smiling. He knew what she was doing and it was very clever.

"Because I've got proof, Misty." Ash answered her. "I see it in you every day. I can feel it, and I know you better than you know yourself."

Misty looked up smiling at him. "Bingo!" She said triumphantly. Brock was smiling big as well, and Pikachu was giving him a victory sign. Ash suddenly realized what had just happened and groaned.

"That's exactly how we feel about you, Ash." Said Brock.

"Yeah!" Misty said smiling. "We know you're a good person no matter what you say or how you try to hide it, and nothing that your dad said or did to you two years ago is going to change that. _Nothing_ will ever change that! _Ever! _Okay?"

"Okay." He answered quietly. He felt much better, he knew that they would stay with him now, but Ash still had his head down. He still had something else on his mind.

"good." Said Brock, knowing they had to stop Ash's worrying. "Now, what should we do about your dad?"

Ash looked up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we should tell your mom or…"

"No!" Ash interrupted loudly, "We can't tell my mom. I can't just tell her after all this time. She'll want to know why I didn't tell her so long ago. And if I tell her the reason for that she'll freak out and call the cops or something."

"What's wrong with that?" asked Misty. "We should call the cops or something!"

"No," said Ash. "After all this time, maybe he's changed, and if he has, there's no reason to. And even if he hasn't, we've got no proof. Maybe we can just have a normal weekend and pretend nothing's wrong."

"What kind of proof are you talking about, Ash?" asked Brock, not liking where this was heading. "The police would want to see bruises for proof, and there's no way we'll let him touch you."

Ash was quiet and seemed to be considering something, then mumbled out, "You're right. The only other way to get proof would be for me to get alone with him and…"

"No, Ash!" Said Misty. "No way you're getting alone with him! He's dangerous! Look at what he's done to you! How can you even suggest that! Do you have a death wish!"

"No." Ash whispered, burying his face in his knees. "But what other way is there?" No one answered.

Then Misty decided to jump in before Ash could and said, "Right, if there is no other way to get proof. How about we just go with what Ash said before? I mean, he could have changed, right?

So, Ash, you just stick with us while your dad's here and he won't have the chance to do anything, and then he'll be gone in no time and we'll leave again for Johto, so you won't have to worry about him anymore, okay?"

The boys looked thoughtful for a moment, then said "okay."

"I mean, how hard can that be right," said Brock, "Now that that's settled, it's really late and your mom's going to come in here any second and…"

As if on cue, Deria Ketchum opened the door and poked her head around it. "What are you kids doing up this late?" She demanded. "You need your rest! It's eleven thirty at night! Get to bed now! Let's move it!"

Brock sighed, got up and left the room to go down to the couch which he loved so much, while Misty climbed on the top bunk and Ash pulled on a new shirt.

Satisfied, Deria left and closed the door.

-------

Ash finished making his bed and he and Pikachu climbed in. He cuddled up and realized how relaxed he now felt now that it was all in the open. He started to fall asleep, knowing that Misty was probably just as tired as he was. She hadn't even slept the night before for taking care of him!

However, even though he knew he should he feel better now, Brock had said something earlier that had made Ash think again. He had said that if Ash had told someone before, his dad wouldn't have been able to hurt anymore people. Ash knew that Brock had meant him and anyone he told, like his mom, but he still wondered.

'_What if he did hurt other people besides me? If he could do it to me for so long without anyone knowing until all the proof was gone, then what could that mean for other people? When I didn't tell anyone, does that mean that he could still do it to them? He could have hurt a lot of people by now and they could be going through the same thing I am.'_

He suddenly realized how crazy he sounded and shook his head to himself, '_No, Ash. Now you're just looking for trouble. Misty's right. He's probably changed and gotten better. He could have gotten better.' _

Then he started thinking about other things that his friends had told him. '_But didn't Misty also say that he was sick and has problems? And he never could stop drinking the whole time before I left on my journey, after that I don't know.' _

'_What if he didn't get better? What if he's gotten worse? He was already bad, but worse? Come to think of it, didn't Brock say himself that the only reason dad didn't kill me before was because he'd get in trouble? Because people would know, because I was his responsibility for the weekend and if anything happened to me people would know and he'd get caught. He couldn't kill me back then because I'm his son. _

_But other kids don't have that advantage. _

'_Brock said that dad didn't do it because he just hated me. He hated the world and he wanted to take it out on someone, right? Well, what if he decided to take it out on someone else after I left and didn't bother just threatening them?'_

Ash knew inside that his imagination was running away from a reality check and getting lost, but he couldn't help but have this feeling that maybe they were making too little out if this. That they were being too naïve about it all.

'_What if he just did what he wanted to do all along and just killed them? What if there were people dead because of my dad, and because of me, for keeping shut about it?'_

He stopped right there and shook himself back into reality. '_Geez, Ash! Slow down! Now you're just thinking crazy! Nothing like that's ever happened around here, anyway. Besides, he lives in Vermilion City and if there had been anything happen in a city that big, right on the coast near Maiden's Peak!' _

He started thinking about all the shows that he's watched since he came home and continued to think to himself. '_It's got a huge population and there would be news crews all over the city and it would be on TV and the radio and cops would be everywhere, and there would… be a… city curfew… if it were… that… bad….' _His thoughts trailed off.

Pictures of the news that was swarming all the channels and stations began to fill his mind; pictures of the streets of Vermilion and Viridian, crowded with cops. News papers headlines reading _"Murder On Route 24!"_ and _"Innocent Children Beaten To Death Outside Vermilion!"_ Photographs of a junior high boy and a girl whose bodies were recently found beaten to death by a strong middle aged man…. Police saying on TV that no suspects were yet in custody….

All this hit Ash in seconds and he felt himself begin to shake. His window was open and he heard himself whisper into breeze, "What have I done…?"

Then the memory hit him of Misty's voice earlier that same day: _"They won't find him. He wouldn't stay around there, anyway. Now that they've found the bodies he'll probably find some excuse to skip town for a while."_

Misty and Pikachu were asleep, so no one heard Ash's choked sob break the still silence of the night.


	6. FEAR and PRIDE

Again, I have an old dedication: This chapter is for 'spruceton spook' for her great reviews and support!

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**Painful Secrets**

Chapter 6 --- The War between Fear and Pride

At first, Ash froze and just laid there in his bed thinking the unimaginable over in his mind. His first thought that his dad had killed those two kids hit him like a bullet. It was like his worst fears had come true. But after that shock had settled in, it created room in his mind for contradiction.

'_Ok,' _He thought to himself. '_So a couple of kids were murdered outside Vermilion City. That doesn't mean anything, right? I mean, it means that there's a killer on the loose, and he probably lives there or around there. And if Misty was right then he would want to skip town, but that doesn't mean it's my dad, right? I'm being totally ridiculous about this whole thing. My dad beat me a long time ago, but that doesn't mean he would now, and it doesn't mean he'd kill anyone.' _

Ash tried to let this thought comfort him, but it didn't. No matter how he tried to think it through, two kids were beaten to death near a naturally peaceful city where the only violence that he knew of was his own father, trying to beat _him_ to death years ago. And that made it impossible to find any sort of comfort in himself. Because if it had happened, it was Ash's fault, and it didn't matter what Misty said. It was Ash's fault just as much as his dad's, because Ash had let him get away with it. He had let his dad think he could do anything, so he had. It left such a crushing feeling on Ash's heart that his chest felt heavy and he found it hard to breath. He tried to push it out of his mind, and think about the rationality of all this.

He, Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town, merely eleven years old, actually suspected his father of murder, and he had good reason to. But that didn't matter one bit unless he could get proof. He had no proof. No hard evidence, not even enough for he, himself to know it wasn't just the crazy idea of some sick little boy.

He might be able to tarnish his father's record, so that it stood against him, but that certainly wasn't proof. And coming back to an earlier thought, he didn't have proof that he was ever hit, either! His scars were so faint now. There was no mistaking what they were from, if Ash told you, but if not, they just looked at a glance like lots of scars from old sports injuries, and lots of doctors had claimed to have never seen any at all!

There was no reason for his friends to stand by him with this. He knew how ridiculous it sounded, especially under the circumstances. The entire reason that Ash had gotten sick in the first place was because his memories and his dad scared him so much, that his fears had escalated. This could be the same thing.

Ash was young but he wasn't stupid, contrary to the popular belief of some people. He knew that if he, a sick child with his past and the recent emotional trauma he'd just been through, made a claim like this, his family may think he needed help and take him to see a doctor or a therapist or something, and Ash knew he wasn't crazy. He _wasn't_ crazy…. was he? No.

Therefore… he couldn't tell anyone about this. He had just told Brock and Misty his biggest secret so he could be free of the pain, and now he had another one, and it was even worse, and he couldn't tell them… at least not right away. Maybe after the visit. If he could get proof. But how could he get proof?

'_Maybe I am going crazy,' _thought Ash. '_This is getting stupid. But I just have this feeling…. No. I'm not crazy. To prove it, I'm not going to accuse any one of anything until I've got proof. I know what the marks my dad's hands leave on someone. I've had them so many times. Tomorrow, I'll watch the news, and if they show pictures, I'll be able to see what I've done. _

_Lots of people are messed up, and it's doubtful that it's my dad. The chances are a million to one. But I'll watch just in case, and if the marks on those kids match the marks on me, I'll know. That's all the proof I need, even if it isn't enough for anyone else. What I do after that will depend on what I learn tomorrow.' _

His mind semi set, Ash turned over and closed his eyes. The decision had calmed him slightly; he always did better when he felt in control of the situation. He was decided in that matter and could now relax slightly. But the fact that in his mind he was responsible for murder was too much for him. He kept thinking that if only he wasn't so scared, if only he could have been brave and talked, maybe those kids would be alive now.

Eventually, his exhaustion took over and he fell asleep. Ash had been slightly afraid to sleep, fearing that his conscious thoughts might follow him into his dreams. They did…

------

It was afternoon. Ash was standing outside a school, watching young teens laughing and coming out of their class rooms. His vision was blinking in and out so furiously it was as if it was all a long flip book. He saw them all part ways and walk in the general direction to their homes. He saw a group of three girls laughing and walking down the street towards the outskirts of town. There was a huge flash of light.

Now he was watching these three girls part ways at the edge of the forest surrounding the city. Ash recognized the place because he had been there with his dad, and he had also been lost for three weeks in this forest with Misty and Brock when he was aiming for his third badge so long ago.

He watched as two of the girls turned back toward the city at this point, waving good bye to the third girl, whom they had agreed to walk with up to this point, before heading home themselves. The girl left alone was about Ash's age, but had no face that he could see.

Ash somehow knew that, to her, he wasn't there. She wouldn't see him or hear him if he'd tried to talk to her. She walked straight past him and into the woods down the road a ways. Another huge flash of light surrounded him.

He was now much further along down the road. He was on top of a hill on the side of the road. Above him, Spearow flew. He could see wheedle climbing some of the trees around him. Down the road, he could see the girl walking along the road in his general direction, to pass him up and continue onward, while up ahead he could be a new looking forest green truck parked on the side on the dirt road. There was a man standing by the truck eating a burger, and he saw the girl walking towards him.

Ash couldn't make out the man well from where he was standing, but he did see the man checking his watch, then turn again and look at the girl, who hadn't yet noticed him. She was reading a book as she walked, and not really paying attention to anything around her.

The man walked around to the back his truck, pulled something out of the bed of it, and start to walk towards the girl, with the small object hidden behind his back.

Ash felt a sickening feeling building up in him. Forgetting that the girl couldn't hear, he started trying to call to her and warn her to run. He could hear himself, but his voice had no effect on them. Another flash surrounded him.

He was now standing near the girl as she put her book down seeing the man for the first time. The man greeted her and told her that his truck was broken down. He asked if she knew anyone near by who would let them use their phone. She smiled and told him to follow her. Ash wanted to warn her again, but it wouldn't matter. No one could hear him, and the second the girl turned her back, the man had grabbed her and stuffed a thick, dry wash cloth in her mouth so she couldn't scream.

As Ash watched the man drag the struggling girl up the hill, he saw that the man had no face, and a voice that he didn't recognize. There was another flash.

The girl was now tied to a tree. Well, her wrists were tied to a thick branch and her feet were dangling about a foot off the ground. Her legs were bound and she was heavily gagged. Tears were streaming down her dirty face and she was trying to scream to no avail.

Now the world started to spin for Ash as the man started to beat her violently and yell at her. No one could hear them in the middle of no where. He had gagged her so he wouldn't have to listen to her.

But Ash heard it. His vision was fuzzy and flashing in and out, though the sound was clear all the way through. His own sobs mixed with the girl's muffled sobbing screams and the man's shouting pounded through his own head. He couldn't bear it, he couldn't do anything about it, though he was right there. The pain that she was feeling, it was like he could to and it hurt him more than anything else ever had. Finally the girl's screaming suddenly stopped and she hung dead from the branch as the man continued to yell.

Ash was dizzy and hot and he felt himself about to get sick.

-----

Ash woke without fully realizing it, and immediately rolled over and vomited next to his futon. He rolled over on his other side and lay there breathing heavily, facing the bed, the dizziness washing over him. His fever was burning inside him, he could feel it.

Then he felt another thing. A hand was rubbing his back. He looked up and saw Misty, who was kneeling in front if him. She had laid one hand on his arm while the other was wrapped around him with her hand on his back. She wasn't upset about the puddle of emesis on the floor, as he had half expected her to be. She didn't even ask any questions. She simply got down low and stayed next to him, quietly caressing his back as he tried to catch his breath. Pikachu had gone down with Brock because it was too hot upstairs that night.

Ash closed his eyes and tried to relax his body, which was shaking, and to hold back his tears. He wasn't sure how, but it was working. He just concentrated on calming his breaths. He knew if he started to cry again, she would ask him why. But if he could hold back, he might get away with just saying he felt sick.

After a few minutes, he had relaxed his body a bit. He turned to her and said "Thanks, Mist."

She looked down at his now with a small smile. "Are you ok now, Ash?"

"Yeah, I just had a really bad dream."

"About your dad?"

"No. It was probably just because I was sick, and it made my dream bad."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Ash thought for a moment. "Yeah." He whispered, finally. He did want to talk about it, as long as he didn't say who he thought it was in the dream. He talked slowly, without expression, as if he could see it replaying itself in his mind.

"There was a man and a little girl, our age. And she was walking home from school, and he grabbed her and dragged her into the woods, where he tied her to a tree and started to beat her, like my dad beat me. Except this man… this man beat the girl to death." Ash was looking ahead as he talked, as though he could see it playing over in front of him. "And it was like I wasn't even there, Misty. I screamed, but she couldn't hear me. I couldn't warn her. I couldn't do anything to stop it. I wasn't… I-I couldn't…" Ash began to feel sick again and grabbed Misty's hand to ground himself to her reality.

Misty brought his hand to her chest and ran her other hand through his hair soothingly, "It's ok, Ash. It wasn't real. It was just a dream."

Ash relaxed, remaining as if in deep thought for a few seconds, then seemed to snap out of it and said "Yeah, I know. Don't worry Misty, I'm ok." He was looking into her eyes, which looked a bit unsure and worried for him, and he forced a smile for her.

But inside he wasn't so sure. It hadn't seemed very dream like. The atmosphere had, but the events and how they had unfolded had seemed so real. It had been more like a flash back than a dream.

He got up and went to the bathroom, and brought back some towels to clean the floor. He didn't say a word until he was done and had put everything away. Then he went to lay back down and almost felt relieved to see that Misty hadn't moved from beside his mattress. He curled back up in bed, and she sat up closer to him.

"Do you know who the people you saw were?" Misty asked once he was comfortable again.

"Well, I have sort of an idea, but I'm not sure, so I guess not. They didn't have faces, it was strange…"

Misty decided not to push it further. There was silence for a few minutes. Then Ash looked up at her again suddenly.

"Misty? Do you think my dad could have hurt anyone else because of me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Because I didn't tell anyone? Do you think after I left, he could have hurt other people maybe?"

"I don't know, Ash." Misty was still running her fingers through his hair, calming him, even if he hadn't seemed to notice it.

He had grown quiet, and Misty knew he was exhausted and needed his rest now that he was sick again. She also knew that he felt scared to fall back to sleep, now. So she would have to take him there, and she knew just how to do that.

------

Ash had decided to drop the topic of his father, and started trying to find some thing else to talk about.

He didn't know how he would ever be able to show her how he much appreciated her just being there. Not being repulsed out of touching him. If anything, she seemed to be willing to touch him more than before, and that meant… more to him than he could ever say. Her touch said things her words could not, and held more meaning than what she _could _say: "I trust you. I care about you. I won't leave you. I'll always support you. When you fall I'll catch you. I don't hate you." Her touch was like a constant reminder of all of these phrases and more, and he loved her for them. He loved her…

Then he felt a change in her motion. He closed his eyes and felt her fingertips glide from his temple down his cheek softly, then start stoking his neck in that same hypnotic way as it had before. He had never actually noticed it enough to really feel it before, though, and now that he did, he felt a small wave of pleasure run through him like he'd never felt before. Ash couldn't suppress the small moan that escaped him.

He knew he should feel embarrassed, but he heard her laugh softly and opened his eyes to see Misty smiling at him. He was also realizing that the touch she was giving him also truly did make him feel extremely sleepy and unable to fight it. He remembered Brock telling him how she had stayed up with him the night before, and remembered when she had done this to him earlier in the hall way, and how she'd held him on the couch, and the again in his room when he told them his secret.

"Misty?" He whispered, sleepily. "What are you doing to me?"

Misty had heard his moan and knew that this was probably the first time he'd ever felt like this before. She trickled her nails along the back of his jaw, knowing it would tickle him. His eyes closed again. He gave a small shutter of pleasure. Misty smiled, and ignored his question. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked innocently.

He moaned softly in response.

Misty knew that Ash was too young to be affected by this the way an older boy would be, but that didn't mean he wasn't affected at all. She was watching his face with a small smile. Ash was clearly enjoying the sensations coursing through him and didn't care if they confused him or not. They wouldn't last long, though. He would probably be asleep within minutes.

Ash, meanwhile, didn't ever want the sensations to stop. He felt her trace around his ear, then run along his jawbone and cheek again. He'd never felt anything so good in his short life. However, at the same time that he wanted it to last forever, the slight tickling sensation was so hypnotic that with every breath he took he felt himself sinking deeper towards a sleep he couldn't hope to fight off.

"It feels good, doesn't it?" Misty whispered.

"Uh huh." He breathed. Then, trying unsuccessfully to fight sleep, he whispered slowly, "Misty, why are you…" but he wasn't able to finish.

"Because I promised myself that I would always take care of you, Ash. I swore that I'll always be here for you, to make you feel better." She said, choosing her words carefully. Ash didn't stir as she traced a path along the tendons in his neck.

"That is… if you want me to take care of you…?" she said quietly.

"Misty?" He wasn't sure what he was saying, it was now a struggle to make his brain work enough to talk with the circles she was drawing behind his ear, "Don't ever leave me, okay?"

"Why?" She whispered back. She could see that he was almost completely gone, but he slurred out almost incomprehensible words in the quietest and slowest of whispers.

"I think I need you... You mean too much…." He had gotten softer with each word until he finally just stopped and his body relaxed and became quite still, the only movement being his even breathing.

"Ash?" She whispered.

"Hnn?" He breathed softly.

"You know you're a lot more to me than just my friend, right?"

Ash didn't answer.

"Do you feel that way too, Ash?"

"Uh-huh." He said, after a few seconds.

"Ash?" Misty whispered, "…Do you love me?"

Silence. Misty sighed, figuring he was finally asleep. She felt a tear drop from her face and onto Ash's.

Then, from Ash came a small "Uh-huh." As he finally crossed the thresh hold of deep sleep.

Misty knew he was too far asleep to know that he'd answered, he probably hadn't even processed what she'd asked. She knew that he was just agreeing without actually hearing her, but she still felt her heart soar for a moment, before settling down again. He had said it himself. He needed her. He was practically asleep when he said it, but doesn't that mean he didn't have the energy to fight or to make up excuses? That he couldn't help but be honest?

Either way, she had more confidence now. Maybe soon she would tell him how she felt when he was awake to hear it, to see his expression and ask him how he felt. Maybe tomorrow… maybe.

She sat by him for a little while longer, more for herself than for Ash, but she was tired. She hadn't slept for two days besides that small nap on the couch that afternoon, and that wasn't enough. Eventually sleep won the battle, and she got into bed, making a mental note to watch Ash closely tomorrow, and also to get Togepi back from Oak's laboratory, now that it was safe enough for the baby to play around. For the time being. She hoped she wouldn't have to take the baby back again before the 'big day' hit.

-------

The next morning when Ash woke, he noticed immediately that Misty was gone. He remembered her holding him last night, and strained to remember what had happened then. He had remembered they had been talking and that he had tried to open up to her, and that she had asked him some questions, but he couldn't remember what they were, nor anything else specific, so he figured nothing could have happened. If something HAD happened, he would KNOW. He was sure of it. It may have even been a dream, in which case he hadn't anything to worry about, anyway.

Then he remembered; the dream! The nightmare that he had had! He had to find out what really happened. He had to see it with his own eyes. He had to watch the TV later when the news was on. But for now, it was late in the morning and if he didn't get downstairs soon, they'd all be worried he'd relapsed, and he felt better now. That spell last night hadn't managed to hold its fever through the morning.

He went down to find Misty and Brock playing a game of cards. Togepi was jumping on the table with Pikachu, Misty must have spent her morning at the lab.

He got some breakfast, and as he started eating, he picked up a news paper and read the head lines. It was there, but there were no pictures, and he couldn't read the paper in front of his friends. He never had, and they'd notice the behavioral change. So he sighed and put the paper back.

Misty watched him and breathed a sigh. He didn't seem to be sick at all. That was sort of a relief. She had been worried about that after him getting sick like that last night.

Misty had, of course, told Brock about his dream and everything. She hadn't told him how she put him back to sleep or what he had said. Brock said that Ash would probably be most grateful if what happened last night wasn't mentioned.

Misty wanted to mention some of it, though. No the part with the dream, but the other things he had mumbled through his half-asleep state of being. She wanted to know if it was true. She wanted to know if he loved her back, but she knew that this wasn't the time to mention it.

"Got any Jacks?" Brock's voice came at her.

Misty checked her cards. "Go fish." She said, laughing. Brock had not been successful once during the whole game so far, and Misty's stacks were growing in number.

Ash poked his head into the living room and started laughing as Misty laid out another suit. He walked in with a soda can in one hand, and stood next to Misty, then said in a rather mocking voice, "Isn't it kind of hard to play that game with only two people? I mean, doesn't that make it obvious whose got what cards?"

Brock looked at Ash's grinning face, then at the empty table in front of him, then at the crowded area in front of Misty. "Shut up, Ash." He said sulkily.

Misty and Ash started laughing, but Brock suddenly got an idea. "Yeah, Ash! It's practically impossible to play with only two people! Why don't you join us?" He quickly whipped up all of the cards in front of Misty and began to shuffle the deck. Misty flared. "But I was winning!" She shouted. Ash was busting up next to her as Brock shuffled in an official manner, "What was that Misty? I seem to have gone temporarily deaf!"

Misty glared at him. "You are _so_ going to pay for this." She promised him as Ash took a seat between them and Brock dealt out the cards.

Two hours later, the kids had tired of playing card games (all of which Brock lost, pathetically), and started to play with their Pokemon… until Deria came in and said that it was too crowded in the living room and someone was going to break some thing. It was still storming, so Deria wouldn't let Ash go out, for that was how he got sick in the first place, so they had to stay inside… bored.

Around two o'clock, Deria had to go to work. So the kids were going to be home alone till ten that night. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ash reminded himself that the evening news started at six. So he had to keep occupied until then. Not as easy as it sounds.

About a half an hour after Deria left, Brock was pacing around the room for no particular reason in general when he blurted out, "Hey, guys? Since we're stuck inside, want to play some other type of game? It'll at least pass the time…"

"Okay, Brock" said Misty.

Ash was instantly all smiles as he yelled out, "I'll get the games out!" and dashed over to the closet to get out almost all the games they had to choose from.

When he got to the closet, he paused for a moment in front of the door. Then Pikachu jumped on his head and he heard Misty and Brock laughing and telling him to hurry up, and his fear left him. He came back into the room a few moments later with a stack of boxes in his arms that towered over his head.

He made it about three steps into the room before they all came showering down on top of him. Half buried, he smiled gratefully as his friends came and pulled him out of the wreckage.

After deciding on a game, they played "Twister", with Pikachu and Togepi spinning the wheel, for while. Then the kids had a snack in the kitchen while Brock freaked over it because it was almost dinner time.

Ash choked out, "Almost dinner time! Geez! What time is it?"

Misty checked the clock in the hall. "Almost six." She answered, casually. "It doesn't seem that late, does it?"

"No." Said Ash, faintly, not really listening anymore. "No, it doesn't."

Telling his friends that he suddenly didn't feel to well and wanted to lay down, Ash went into the other room and turned on the TV to the news. Misty stayed in the kitchen to help Brock.

He had told his very confused Pikachu to leave him alone and play for a little while so he could take nap. Pikachu had seemed hesitant to leave Ash's side, but ran to play with Togepi, so Ash was alone in the room.

Sure enough, all over the screen were pictures and descriptions of what had happened to the young teens. Ash got down close to the screen and looked back toward the kitchen. He could hear his friends talking, and, deciding it was safe, took off his shirt. He ran his fingers over his faded scars on his arms, chest, and mid drift. Then looked at the TV. It made him sick to think about what he was looking at, but he took a deep breath, and looked over for certain marks that matched any in his own memory.

There were a lot of them. Ash felt tears running down his cheeks as he saw and heard marks identical to his own described in detail. He had turned down the volume so that it wouldn't be heard by anyone else.

He was crying quietly when Pikachu, who was playing hide and seek with Togepi, ran silently into the room. He hadn't been planning to disturb Ash at all, but stopped short at what he saw. He quietly slipped out of the room again, without gaining Ash's attention, and ran to get Misty.

------

Misty was opening cans of spaghetti sauce when Pikachu jumped up onto the counter next to her. He stayed quiet, and was making a ton of frantic gestures. Misty just stared at his little dance, before Pikachu signaled for her to follow, and stay quiet. She did.

He lead her to the door frame in the living room and pointed to Ash, who was still crying and hadn't noticed them. Misty took in the scene.

Ash was in front of the TV, which was turned down low, and on the news. He was crying, had no shirt on, had his arms wrapped around his middle, his body tense, and his head bowed. Misty looked at the screen. The pictures flashing across it, then back at Ash, who was running his fingers along his scars and crying, and immediately understood what was happening.

"Oh God, Ash.." She whispered.

Ash jumped and looked at her in a panic. "Misty! What do want? I didn't…" She cut him off.

"It's okay, Ash. Brock's in the kitchen. Pikachu heard you crying and came to get me."

"I'm not crying." Said Ash as another tear ran down his cheek. He was in a position now, edging away from her until he bumped into the chair. He felt panicky and embarrassed with no idea how to explain what was happening. No excuses. He just sat there stammering.

Misty watched him back away, and his tears. She ran over to him and sat down. "Ash, shhhh. It's okay." She soothed, crying to calm him. Now Ash felt confused and unsure. And he really wished he had his shirt on….

Misty looked over at the TV.

"Watching the news?" She asked.

"Yeah." Ash whispered.

"It's terrible what happened to those two kids, getting beaten to death like that." She said in an offhand sort of way.

"It's almost what happened to me." He whispered back.

"Is it sort of like your nightmare last night?"

"Yeah." He had calmed now. Misty was acting so casual, not making fun of him or anything. That made him feel easier. "How they died. It was a lot like my dream last night."

"But the people you saw last night had no faces, right? So it was just a nightmare that came out of nowhere, right?" She said, hopefully.

"I don't know." He said.

There was a stretch of silence. Misty began to worry that Brock might walk in, but he seemed to be having another of his 'parental' instincts, because he didn't come. Then Ash broke the silence. "Misty?" He said, slowly, cautiously.

"Ash?" She said in the same mannerism.

"Remember last night, when I asked you if you thought my dad could have hurt anyone else?"

"Yes." She said, not trusting where this was headed.

Ash started tracing the faded scars along his sides. He was quiet. Then, without looking up at her or diverting his attention from the thin lines only he could make out any more, he whispered apprehensively, "Their marks are just like mine. _JUST LIKE_ mine, Misty."

"Ash?"

"Misty, you really don't think he could have…?" Ash trailed off.

Misty looked back at the images on the screen again. She bit her lower lip and answered him, hoping it was true. "I don't think so, Ash."

Ash smiled a little and said, "Okay." Then crawled over to the TV to shut it off. The pictures were making him sick. How could they show that stuff on TV, anyhow? It was disgusting! Now the silence was even more awkward.

Yet again, Brock's amazing instincts seemed to detect this, for he chose that moment to call them for dinner. Ash got up with out a word and headed towards the kitchen. As he approached the door frame, however, Misty stopped him. "Ash?"

He turned and looked at her.

"I want you to promise me something, okay?"

Ash was quiet, then said, "Depends."

"Ash, promise me that you won't go near your dad this weekend, okay?"

Ash actually looked surprised. Why would she think he would go near his dad? How had she known…? But she was looking at him straight in the eyes now, he felt like she was reading his mind.

"Promise me, Ash."

Ash looked down to avoid her gaze, but she walked over to him and gently lifted his chin up.

"Please, Ash." She whispered, near tears herself. "Please promise me you won't go near him. I don't want to lose my best friend."

This broke Ash's heart more than she could imagine. He looked into her eyes, and made a vow. "I promise."

-------

When he turned in for bed early that night, Ash was so lost in thought he couldn't figure out what to do. He knew it still sounded ridiculous, but the marks….

'_Those marks could be made by anyone, maybe.' _He thought. '_And I can't break my promise to Misty. But it's going to be impossible to not get near him if he's living at my house for two days! And if it's true… I know she just doesn't want me near him alone, but how else can I ask? How can I ask anyway? Just walk up and say 'hey, dad, have you killed anyone lately?' Real smooth. _

_But I still know I could. It's risky, but if I could just get alone with him some how, and talk to him. he might slip something. If I can just get it on tape or something…. That's it! I need to tape it. I can set up a recorder, no problem. I'd just have to get him in the right room, alone… with me.'_

He had started thinking about the possibilities if it, then reality crashed on him like a ton of bricks, as he pondered just exactly what he was considering. Getting alone, helpless, with the man who nearly beat him to death repeatedly for four years, and trying to probe a confession out of him when he probably didn't do anything in the first place. It was suicide. Just the thought of his dad being near him with a bunch of other people around petrified him. But alone…?

He started to understand why Misty had made him promise not to go near him. She had practically read his mind, knowing he would think about this, without ever bringing everything into focus. But he brought it into focus, and he knew it could damn well be the death of him to try a stupid stunt like that.

Ash was scared to death of his father, and his friends, pokemon, and worst of all, his father, knew it. But he felt a sense of duty as a human being.

His sense of responsibility and PRIDE stepped up to the plate and said that he had to grow up. Get over his fears and act like a man for once. Accept responsibility for his actions so long ago.

His FEAR quipped in again. He was scared! He had only been seven! Didn't that matter at all that he had only been, and still was, a little kid? How could he act like a man? Did looking for trouble, when trouble had always had an easy time of finding him, make him a man? And I promised Misty. His PRIDE voiced up again: How sad is that? Hiding behind your friends to avoid the work that you have to do. Pathetic. Besides, he can't kill you! You're his son! Everyone would know! Isn't that what Brock said, he didn't do it before because everyone would know?

FEAR: He wasn't used to killing back then. He could throw my body in a bush and be done with me easy, now!

PRIDE: Excuses! Just do it and get it over with. You could make the world a better place. You could avenge those kids.

FEAR: Why should I avenge them! I don't even know them!

PRIDE: any good person would.

FEAR: I am a good person! Misty said so!

PRIDE: do you remember why?

Memories flashed through his brain. Misty's voice rang in his ears. "That's right, Ash. You care about others more than you do yourself! You're completely unselfish. That's what makes you a good person!"

Ash's thoughts were quiet for a moment. Then,

FEAR: I know…. I know but-

PRIDE: But what, Ash? You're nothing without that, don't you know? Misty said it herself.

FEAR: But she made me promise! Why would she make me promise?

PRIDE: She's just scared for you, Ash. But this is something you have to do. you have to avenge them! You can't just let him get away with this! He's your father! You're responsibility!

FEAR: But I-I- I can't! it's too much! I can't! I have no reason to. It's not my fault, right?

Ash was drifting into a sleep as this argument played in his mind. Now he shut them off, scared of what they might lead him to do. in an argument between his FEAR and his sense of RESPONSIBILITY, he didn't know which was the stronger emotion, and he was, naturally, afraid that it might be his PRIDE. His pride had a big say in what responsibility wanted. He couldn't let anyone walk all over him!

Still…

In all his life, well almost, his pride had caused him nothing but trouble. Why should he listen to it? Fear is what kept people alive, right? Instinctive fear. That's how man has survived so long, by staying away from things they were afraid of, because they wouldn't fear something if it wasn't worth fearing.

Ash yawned and, after a few minutes, fell asleep.

----

It all happened very fast this time.

The green truck, the man eating a burger, the girl walking. The gags, the tree, the screams. The crying and begging of a young girl.

Yet there was nothing he could do.

The world was moving so fast, swirling color and sounds around Ash, who stood, horrified, watching it all.

There was nothing he could do.

It spun so fast, and loud, yet went on seemingly forever. Ash felt himself getting sick again, there was nothing he could do. It was like he was on a merry go round. The world spun one way and he spun another.

There was nothing he could do.

Suddenly, everything stopped. Ash was facing into the forest. He could hear the screams suddenly cease behind him, drowned out by his father's cold, deadly whisper, _"If you ever tell anyone about this I swear that I'll kill you… but not before you see me kill them."_

Ash froze. Tears ran freely as pure terror filtered through him. He was terrified to do it, but knew he had to. He slowly turned around and his vision seemed to zoom in on the dead, bloody, battered, yet no longer faceless body hanging from the tree.

It was Misty.

-----

Ash lurched awake and was standing up in a second, covered in sweat and tears. Anger surging from him. He understood now.

It didn't matter if he knew those kids or not!

If Misty had been the girl who was killed, and Brock, the boy, and he knew who killed them, would he sit here for a second, unsure of what to do?

Hell No! Father or no, he wouldn't rest until the killer was behind bars, getting his! There was no way he was going to sit by and let his dad get away with this! What about the friends of those kids? And their families! They could just as easily have been Ash! Plus, Ash was sure now, his dad had made him a promise. He had warned him, and he would keep it. Which means that when his dad did kill again, it easily could be Ash in the position of those families. Except Ash wasn't helpless. He **could **do something!

He had a choice as to weather or not he would let another person, perhaps Misty or Brock, become victims. And there was no chance in hell that he was going to sit idly by and let that happen. Nothing was worth it. Nothing was worth Misty. She meant more to Ash than life itself, and if defending her meant some sacrifices had to be made, if he had to put himself on the line, he'd do it in a heartbeat. He'd do it.

In that drastic moment of truth, in the war between PRIDE and FEAR… PRIDE won.

AN: Hi! Wow, it's been forever, ne? Years, even… and some of my fans have come back even after all this time to encourage me with reviews and e-mails. Nothing has inspired me more than you! Thank you so much!

I wrote this when I was sixteen, and I'm 22 now, so It's been a more-than-fair amount of time. I'm starting to get back into Pokemon. I drifted out for years, but I'm reading the fics again, and I miss writing for it. I'm not saying that you can expect another chapter of this up by Saturday or anything like that, but I am going to sit and plot out the rest of this story.

If I manage to get the rest of it plotted out, I will recommence writing this fic with the intention of finishing it. And I'm not going to cut it short or anything just to get it out of the way. I want it to be good, I want to be satisfied with it in the end, so the planning may take a few weeks. I had left this eternally incomplete, but recently I saw that someone wrote a sequel to this story (when it's not even finished) and it roused my curiosity. I hadn't read this in so long, I'd forgotten what it was about, and the plans are long gone (they didn't go past chapter 4 anyway. Most of this story wrote itself, somehow. It's almost scary how my fingers just knew how to move the right way when my mind didn't), but I would like to finish this story. I'm going to put it foremost in my plans right now.


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